Possession is theft…
Man, I am such a tool. Seriously, you’ll think so too when I’m finished. You think I’m such a nice, compassionate nursey-nurse and really I’m just a mean and nasty girl.
So I go to the Y for open swim after work. You know, the Y with the 4-lane, 20 yard, 93F pool. I would rather go to the open swim before work but I’ve been advised that the senior citizens that line up outside the door every morning are very territorial and will not suffer some kid coming in and messing with their water running and beach ball tossing and tread-water social hour. I would much rather go to my sis’s but thunderstorms were rolling in and I had to bite the bullet. I arrived at the pool right at the opening and found - THANKFULLY - the water was a much more reasonable 87F, and that there were only a few folks there - all of whom were picking locations on either wall to do aerobics stuff. Cool. I got a few laps in as people started to trickle in but I was still able to pretty much keep a path open so I was thinking all was well - then, the walls started to close in.
Hey! Water Jogger! I get it that you have to stay on the shallow end so you can literally jog across the pool (even though there’s float belts and you could be doing water running lengthwise rather than widthwise across all the lanes), but what gets me is that you are so unwilling to give right of way to anyone who wants to go through. Sure, we’ll wait for you. Don’t worry about us - and be sure not to stop if you see us coming, evidently that’s our responsibility.
Um, Dog Paddle Lady - I make no judgments on what form or style you use to swim your lengths - I’m no pro for sure. And I do appreciate that you are swimming the lanes but the general rule is that you only get one lane. Unless today is officially Diagonal Day and they forgot to post it, there’s really no reason that you need to start in one lane and end up 3 lanes over by the time you get to the other end. You’re not putting your face in the water so you can see exactly where you’re going. Stop with the tic-tac-toe already.
Pardon me, Mom With Toddler Who Won’t Stop Screaming I WANNA GET OUT! I’m not sure if you know this but, he wants to get out. Now please stop trying to make him kick and put his face in the water while standing directly in front of me when I’m ready to swim. Please stop torturing all of us. By the way, you’re not helping him feel comfortable in water by forcing him into it terrified - I’ve been there and am just now swimming again for the first time in 35 years. Let’s find a different approach, kay?
Lastly, Elderly Gentleman Who Clearly Shouldn’t Be On The Deep End, dude, you are making me really nervous and it’s very distracting! I know there’s a lifeguard here who is going to be much better at saving you but since I always seem to be the closest I’m really paying attention so I don’t waste a second when it finally comes time to pull you back up again. I guess today was a lucky day for both of us but you totally threw me off more than once with your gasping and flailing shenanigans.
On a positive note: Thank you so much Bosnian Guy and Lady In The Blue Suit for watching for me. Even though you were going across the width and I was going the length, you always looked to see where I was and when I might be coming through - and I did the same for you - and I loved that we just took care of each other like that.
Now before you all think ‘Who the hell does this bird think she is!’ let me tell you: I’m no one. I just learned to swim a couple months ago, nobody’s going to give me any awards for form, speed, or endurance. I’m just a Chick Who Wants To Put In Some Laps - not many, whatever I can bang out in an hour - but what evidently sets me apart is that I have an awareness of something outside myself. I don’t expect the sea to part or all the people to not do what pleases them and helps them be healthy but shit, look around you every now and then to see if your swinging arm is gonna hit somebody!
Yeah, I ranted. I probably sound like a jerk. Hopefully my righteous indignance will wear off by the next swim. Or maybe I should just stick to sister’s pool where the only thing in my way is old Sissee Floating Around In A Lounge Chair With A Cupholder (a lounge chair that will be doing a reenactment of the Poseiden after not too long!). :D
Comment by david
Monday July 10 2006 @ 10:51 pm
Damn, I’m glad I didn’t come upon you on the drive to work, in the line at Starbuck’s or in the grocery store on my way home. You might have run me down in the aisle.
Peace. Love. Out.