Running In Place

You know, it seems a long while since I’ve sat down and talked about running. To look at my posts, you’d hardly know I’d been doing it – then suddenly I announce that I’m going to run a marathon. No guilty compensation there! But the truth is, ever since the 1/2 I’ve been struggling with a real running flat spot. At first I thought it was the race letdown, but it just kept dragging on. A good week of yeah, I’m back on track!, would be followed by another sluggish week of excuses and rationalizations. Oh, I got some good runs in, including a “nearly 5K” PR, but overall I have been logging a pretty spotty schedule. I could blame the weather – there’s been some beautiful autumn days, but there has been a good share of blustery/rainy/windy days. But damn, I used to dig the bad weather! Maybe I could blame the new job – I’m on my feet for 12.5 hours a day and goshdarn if I don’t feel pretty sore and tired by the time it’s all over. But in truth I only work 3 days a week on the unit, leaving me with 4 days either at hospice where there is a fair amount of sitting (and getting out at the early hour of 4 pm) or free entirely to run to my heart’s content! But no. My feet are sore (despite the new Saucony super-cushioned walking shoes), my body’s tired, and my brain is sluggish. Wah!

When did I get so soft? And soft I am definately getting. Not doing the core exercises that I had incorporated 2-3 times a week during half training has made a noticable difference in my belly for sure. Of the 10 lbs I lost during that training by keeping a reasonable diet and actually running, I’ve gained 4 back so far (actually that’s less than I would have anticipated given my new level of sloth). So. Following what was a great summer of training, culminating in a wonderful, fun, satisfying race, I am – a month and a half later – crawling out of some strange running vortex which existed entirely in my own mind. No external force made me not run. Likewise, no internal force made me run. That’s the saddest part – because I do so love it, and I do know that if I get the sneaks on it’s all gonna be worth the while. So why have I spent this time resisting? When I know how happy I am with what I’ve done, when I know that the door is open to do more. What’s up with all this putzing? Fear? Laziness? Lack of discipline? Probably all of those. Nothing to do but chip away at them. It’s not a linear path, but it’s a path just the same – better than standing still.

So yeah, what’s needed here is a challenge – a hero’s journey. Because the challenge is not so much Run 26.2 Miles on May 7, it’s Run 5 Miles After Work in the Rain – because it’s on the training schedule. And because that’s what you do. Because you run.

So welcome back to my running blog.

You can’t even believe the long rambling monster post I’ve been composing! This is the problem with only having snippets of time (and energy) to sit at the computer. A thought gets started one day but not finished, so it’s saved. Then it gets re-read another day, and modified, and then added to – but not finished. Same the next day. And etc. And etc. In the end, it is a meandering journey through a land of questionably pertinent information leading you to a potentially, but certainly not guarenteed, poignant destination. Who knows, it may be freakin’ brilliant – I might be the Faulkner of the running blog world! Or I might just be long winded run on sentences get to the point dammit me! Anyway, about 10 minutes ago, I had gone so deep into it that even I couldn’t retrace the steps back to my original point, so I’ll just strip it down to it’s essence.

I’m gonna run a marathon.

Thinking it, saying it, posting it is very weird. A year ago, not only would I certainly not consider myself capable of that distance, but it was entirely unappealing to me. When Dianna ran her first marathon I was totally cheering but I was also thinking man that’s crazy shit, it doesn’t make any sense. That initial assessement may still be correct. Nonetheless, here I am. Now what?