Running In Place

This morning I slept till 8:00 and woke up thinking I had overslept the start of the race. That’s a sinking feeling if there ever was one!

Couldn’t stand waiting till today so I picked up my number yesterday,

which puts me in the last of the starting corrals (Moooo). I’m sure I will see alot of familiar faces there with me and that will be very encouraging! I’m told that, last year, the leaders were at mile 3 before the back of the pack crossed the start line. The fact that there will be around 10,500 people out there running that race with me really blows my mind! I mean, that’s alot of people! The energy is going to be amazing, right??!!

So I went to the Health & Fitness Expo and got my lucky number, had my chip checked (and a little instruction on attaching it to my sneaker),

picked up my goody bag

bought a shirt,

and various other nonsense just because it said “Boilermaker” on it.

You wouldn’t know it from the weather today (rainy, windy, cool), but tomorrow is supposed to be “typical Boilermaker conditions.” Hazy, hot, & humid. 74F by the 8AM start and 80F by the finish. I’ll probably look like a refugee from the 80’s but I’m going to wear my purple nylon shorts and mint green tank top because they are so completely comfortable. Hopefully this will also facilitate my poor husband in locating me among the mob of 30,000 or so at the post-race party.

So that’s it. What’s left to do? Drink lots (of water), lay out some clothes, eat some pasta and sweet potatoes, go to bed way early, get up way early, go have fun! Thanks for the well wishes and especially the encouragement along the way. You’d think I was running around the world twice for the ta-do I’ve made about this race. This training process has really been a learning experience, as much from what went wrong as went right. I may have increased my miles some and improved my endurance a little and acclimated to the heat and humidity (ok, not so much with that one), but I think my most significant progress was in gaining some understanding of the process, and of myself as a runner within that process. I’m thinking it’s just the beginning.

Good luck to all the other racers this weekend! I’ll see you at the finish line

P.S. Is Dianna the coolest chick ever, or what??

They’re back!!

Be warned that this is not about running. A bunch of peripheral stuff has just kind of culminated to make today very gray and I’m sitting here feeling lonely and whimpery. Most of it is not really a big deal in the scope of things, and some of it does not even involve me directly. It’s just one of those self-piteous days, you know? I don’t usually do this but right now the people who I might call to whine to are not around or dealing with stuff of their own. So you’re stuck with me. I’m just going to check them off here and now - 1,2,3 - and put them behind me for today.

1. My step-sister’s father (my former step-father) has been struggling with slowly encroaching dementia for a couple of years now. It’s at the point where his wife is not able to care for him effectively. She has always had a hysterical personality which is now exacerbated by the growing stress. Consequently, my poor sister gets these insane, screaming phone calls in the middle of the night demanding that she come right away. When she tries to help, the wife puts her off, won’t accept help from anyone - and won’t even consider a care facility. So my sis is expected to respond to these crises at the drop of a hat but isn’t being allowed to help address the root cause. Of course it’s taking a physical and emotional toll on her and that’s hard to see. All the relationships are complicated by a variety of dysfunctions which compounds my own feelings of anger at this woman and her manipulations, and my desire to somehow protect my sister (though she is a strong and capable woman and certainly doesn’t need my protection).

2. The last time I mixed nectar for the hummingbirds, I foolishly used turbinado sugar, which hummingbirds evidently don’t like. So they’re gone. I’m just heartsick. They’ve been coming ’round for 3 years and now they’re gone. You know, if I’d just checked any hummingbird website I would have seen that I shouldn’t use turbinado, I just made a stupid stupid assumption that it would be ok, and maybe better as it wasn’t bleached like processed sugar. So I’ve got a new feeder and new, proper, nectar - but no visitors so far. I think I’ll go out and get a fuschia plant.

3. The family, particularly the widower, of a deceased patient of mine are getting a little too attached to me and placing alot of expectation on a continued, close relationship. This is something that can arise from the type of nursing I do, and this is a lady I visited once or twice a week for 2 years. You really do become somewhat part of the family, and I very much cared about this lady and care about her family. The difficulty arises when the patient passes away. Since I have been “the nurse” to them for so long, it is very difficult to transition into a friendship. I’ll always be their nurse. I’m the person that is now expected to be always available, supportive, and the fixer of problems. And of course the nurse in me dictates that I should be doing that! But ya know, there’s kind of this expectation that I should be calling and visiting frequently and if I don’t, they’re calling me and asking why I don’t call more. Last week the son called daily for 3 days, leaving these “where are you? why don’t you call?” messages. The right thing for me to do is to communicate openly with them and gently but honestly set some boundaries. What I am in fact doing is retreating - not answering the phone - the more they pursue me, the more I’m hiding. And I know it’s cowardly, and as a professional I know better. So mostly I’m angry at myself. I did speak with the bereavement counselor and asked her to follow up with them, not to fix this for me, but to offer them some of the support they are seeking from me and I am evidently unwilling to give. Ultimately, this is something I need to be forthright about, for their sake and mine.

4. One month ago today, I put an application in at a local hospital to work on a very specific unit that I am really interested in. Since then, I have called the recruiter 3 times and she keeps putting me off, but not simply saying ‘we’re not interested in you.’ First of all, I don’t think it’s that they’re not interested in me - I think I am very well-qualified for the position. I have prior experience with this particular recruiter from another hospital and she doesn’t appear to be a very motivated person. Back then I had to call her several times to get the ball rolling too. But c’mon! A month?? I mean the position’s still posted, God knows that hospitals are always wanting for nurses, and I come with some kickass references and experience. It’s really bruised my ego that they didn’t snatch me right up. Plus, I’ve been putting off submitting applications elsewhere because of my specific interest in this particular unit and now I’m getting to the point where I really need to get working again (both financially and psychologically). Today I did an end run around this recruiter and called the Dean of Students at the college of nursing from which I graduated, who also happens to be an on-call nurse at Hospice, and who also happens to work in the same building as the recruiter, and who also happens to be the mother of the nurse manager of the unit on which I would like to work. But I didn’t want to do it that way. I wanted to put in my application, have someone actually read it and pass it on to the appropriate persons, and get the job (or at least a freakin’ interview) based on my qualifications.

5. My husband I are traveling in different spheres the last week or two - he busy using most all his free time working on a big vehicle overhaul project and me just being in my funk. I know we’ll come back around to each other soon, mostly as soon as I crawl out of myself.

6. (Molly don’t read this cause I don’t want you to feel bad). I planned a little celebratory cookout for after the race - nothing big, just some family and friends. My dad and stepmom and my sis and her family are coming but everybody else I invited can’t make it. Now don’t get me wrong, I will have a great time hanging out with my family, and all of the friends that won’t be there, can’t make it because of legitimate reasons. I’m not feeling all nobody loves me or anything, it’s just that it’s the perfect thing right now to feed into my self pity.

7. My left ITB has been a little sore this week - I think from the long run on my cambered road last week. At first it didn’t bother and I was really pleased, but the last few days it’s just been vaguely tender. Honestly, I’m not worried about it. It’s feeling better and better and I think it will be nothing by Sunday. But it’s kind of put a damper on my last couple of runs, and my spirit. Of couse, given my shitty perspective right now, I’m struggling to not blow natural pre-race nervousness out of proportion.

Had enough?? Me too. I’ve dumped it out in space and I’m setting it free. Tonight my sis and I will go to the brewery to see our favorite local band. Tomorrow I’ll relax, put all my race ducks in row, and spend some time with my beloved. Saturday I’ll go pick up my number and check out Bill Rodgers and others in an Ask the Experts Seminar. And Sunday I’ll turn 2 years of thinking about it to a done it!

In fact they hate the 4th of July. Our part-time neighbors (folks who live in Florida and have a summer home across the creek from us) have been lighting off fireworks (which are totally illeagal for private persons in NY State) for a couple of hours. And I’m not talking bottle rockets here, I’m talking about large tube, multi-stage sound and color that flies high above the tree line. The fun part is sitting in my back yard watching my own private showing of what has got to be a couple thousand dollars worth of explosives. The frustrating part is the inconsolable panting, pacing dogs who keep trying to fit themselves into the smallest space possible in hope that if they can somehow cram themselves behind the refrigerator, they will somehow be safe. And even the poor little rodent hiding under his hammock, too scared to come out for a nice bit of celery heart (though he did muster up his bravery to retrieve a couple of blueberries). Things have quieted down now and everyone seems to be relaxing but I just feel so badly that they are so frightened and there’s nothing much I can do to comfort them.

On a nicer note, we went down the hill to my Dad’s for a cookout and spent alot of time watching a downy woodpecker mom and her 3 young ones flying about and picking at the suet hung in a nearby tree. My Dad gave me some interesting advice for the race. He said I should find a smallish round stone, clean it up, and hold it in my mouth, like between cheek and gum, during the race. He said it will promote salivation and keep my mouth from feeling too dry. He has long had an interest in Native American history and culture and said that this was a technique used by native people, like messengers, when running from village to village. Anyone heard of this? Though I don’t necessarily question the validity of it, I probably will defer from running this particular race with a stone in my mouth - though I can only imagine the hilarious (read: disasterous) stories I might be telling if I did.

So then, on the running front, I was able to get a long run in on Friday before I took off for the North Country for an awesome weekend catering a party with my old boss and old co-workers of 10+ years ago. It was one of those wonderful “sometimes you can go back” moments when the old restaurant crew got together and rocked. Of course later, we also revisited our old days of a late night with lots of adult beverage. A job well done in a most beautiful Adirondack setting - perfect weather, old friends - it’s like living in a beer commercial!

Ok, yeah, long run….8 miles on Friday. Thank heavens that’s done with. I was wracked with worry that I hadn’t gotten much in the way of distance in since the shin problems slowed me down. But I was also scared and twitchy about it because I was tacking everything on it. In other words, if this one last chance at a long run doesn’t work out - too hot, too tired, shin problem, whatever - then I will have zero confidence for the Boilermaker. Realistic or not, I knew that was how I would feel if things didn’t go well. So, you know, even getting out the door to do it was scary because I was attaching so much to it (I know I know, but sometimes ya just can’t help how your mind works).

It was hot, humid, and sunny - which I was actually hoping for because I wanted to approximate as close to worst case scenario weather-wise. There was a nice breeze which may have been my saving grace. I wanted to go slow and really try to get a feel for the pace I want to hold for the race. I actually did what I rarely do, which is walk out my front door and run down my own road. It is not a much traveled road and it has some great rolling hills. The downside is that there are some parts of it with a very high crown so the shoulder of the road is quite uneven in places. Fortunately, because of the lack of traffic, I was often able to run almost in the middle of the left lane for particularly bad spots. In the end I don’t feel my ITB or any other muscles were worse for the wear but I wouldn’t make it a habit to run that route.

Anyway, I really went along fine enough for the 4 miles out, but by the time I turned around and headed back, I was beginning to feel sluggish. I worked on keeping slow and keeping a good form. At about 5.5 I was heading towards a pretty steep hill and, of course I was fighting with myself about can you/can’t you do this, and as I started up the hill I thought this is one of those moments when you know you’re gonna muscle up this hill no matter what and you’re gonna get to the top and you’re gonna look back down that hill and it’s going to be the most important thing that you remember about this run. It’s gonna be moment that defines this particular day. And so it was.

Following that, mile 6 was my slowest and most difficult mile. After that, it seemed like I just kind of settled in and stopped fighting the discomforts and just quietly knew I would finish it up without a problem. When I got home, I stood underneath the hose for a bit and sent the kid to fetch some cold water. Thank heavens that’s out of the way!!

I had brought along my water belt and a Powergel Strawberry Banana thing. As Jon had suggested, I took it at about 5K and had water with it. I walked longer than I wanted to, fumbling with opening the slippery package with my sweaty hands and then messing around with the the water bottle. It was sweet, damn sweet. It made my throat throb the way really sugary cake frosting makes your teeth throb. It didn’t make me sick like I had feared but I did have burning in my throat and esophagus for the rest of the run. Did it help? I don’t know. Having no previous experience in a) using gels, and b) running 8 miles, I have no basis for comparison. I didn’t get any rockets-on-your-feet kind of boost but I can say that, after flagging some in miles 5 and 6, I did feel a little better in 7 and 8. However, at this point I don’t think I’m going to try to incorporate them. I have some 1/2 marathon in the fall neurons firing in my brain (more on that some other time) so as my training incorporates longer runs, I guess maybe I’ll have to come to terms with these freaky sweet electrolyte & caffeine confections but right now, not so much.

In the end, I finished 8 miles in 1:36:07 for an average of 12:01/mile. The real story is some inconsistent miles with the fastest at 11:09 (2) and the slowest at 12:45 (6), but the overall picture it gave me is that I want to shoot for about 12:00-12:15 and finish in a little under 2 hours. All other variables being equal (which they never are), the 8 mile run had alot more uphill in the second half than the race acutally does so I’m hoping I won’t be feeling quite so spent. And, of course, if I can keep the pace of those first few miles in check. Mostly, this year I just want to make sure I finish, next year is for worrying about time. Heck, whatever I do this time around is a PR, right?

6 days to go.

So I’m thinking, in the last several days, what the heck, why isn’t anybody posting? Even people who usually post everyday - where are they?? Well, earlier this week we finally stepped out of our dial-up cave and into the light of broadband. Up until recently, it wasn’t available out here in the sticks (cable is still a long way from available out here too). Anyway, check my favorite blogs. Everyday. Nuttin’. What’s up??

Today I sat down and subscribed all my regular reads to bloglines and - lo and behold! People have been posting all along, but my pages aren’t updating for some reason. This appears to be an AOL thing because when I tried opening them on IE - whaddaya know! Also, I don’t know if it really relates to the broadband installation as some of the pages hadn’t updated since the 20th! So now I have missed alot - and am going away for the weekend, so will miss more still. Good thing Monday’s a holiday! I see a butt planted squarely in front of the computer, a big mug of coffee, and alot of reading in my future.

Hope everybody has a great weekend!!