Running In Place

It feels so good to be coming down the other side of this bump in my training road. Physically I feel strong and mentally I feel reinvigorated. It’s kind of weird that the shin pain has just disappeared, and I don’t know that I trust that it won’t reappear as I increase my mileage over these remaining few weeks before July 10, but the time is getting near, and I seem to be getting better, and I am hopeful.

I had a great 7 mile run on Tuesday! It was the first time in slightly more than a month that I had run that distance. I hill-ed it up a little in the middle miles, I concentrated on keeping a steady, sustainable pace (11:50 avg.), and I finished strong with even a little kick for good measure. It was humid as all get-out but I strapped on a water-bottle-belt-thingy and drank a little at each mile. It was also made manageable by overcast skies and a very good breeze. I actually forgot to put on my shin wrap and – I almost hate to say it “out loud” – there was no pain at all. Good stuff!

Development Runs

I have attended a couple of these, put on by the Utica running club. There is a 2 mile hill run and a 10K that, I’ve been told, is a very good preparatory run for the Boilermaker because it is so challenging. If you come early, you get to watch the various kid runs which of course is always cool. I have been doing the 2 mile run, of which about 3/4 mile is up a non-stop, big ass hill. In fact it’s a hill I’ll be running down in the Boilermaker.

In a couple of weeks I’m going to endeavor the 10K!!

Today looks like 4 miles in the rain and blessed cool (67F)

Lastly, this is the picture I meant to post from the Relay for Life procession

Not that it’s any less blurry with the lack of ambient light but I just think it gives a better sense of the moment. The row of lights are thousands of bags, one next to the other. Each with a candle, each with someone’s name. I wish I could have done better justice to capturing the moment.

I don’t mean for my posting to be a once weekly type thing. After each run, and sometimes even on days I don’t run, I think oh, I should write about that. I imagine myself sitting down daily to conjure witty/poignant/inspirational entries. But then I end up:
a) sitting on the porch watching the birds
b) sitting on the couch watching reruns of Fear Factor
c) getting drunk and passing out
d) all of the above

Anyway, just consider it my offering of respite to those of you overwhelmed with trying to keep up on everyone’s blogs. As long as you put aside an hour or so a week to read my periodic, over-long, rambling re-caps – the rest of your free time is your own

Other than spending time in the hospital visting an older friend who had a couple of heart attacks and subsequent vessel opening procedures (he’s well and going home tomorrow), most of last week was taken up with enjoyable pursuits.

Run to the Rescue
Hooray! After last weekend’s bitter disappointment I was nervous but determined to see this 8K thr0ugh – and the so I did.

The weather was as it has been for awhile now – hot and very humid. The benefit today was that the race started, unlike last weekend, at the most reasonable hour of 8:15 am and that, at least at first, it was hazy and not too sunny. I will also give this race mad props for having more water stops than you could shake a stick at!! Anyway, my warm up jog around the block left me dripping in sweat, followed by all of us crowding together in a very small area behind the starting line. I was shoulder to shoulder with a girl wearing Nike Free sneakers so I asked her how she liked them. She said she loved them and that she used to wear my sneaker, which is quite cushiony, and was initially nervous about the change. I asked her if she felt like they had caused her to change her gait to accomodate the lack of cushioning and she said she thought so but didn’t get a chance to elaborate as race-time announcements began. Phooey!

This run benefitted the Utica Rescue Mission and was in its 16th year. After race instructions and prayers, the announcer simply shouted “3..2..1..GO!! and off we went. As always, I started in back and made myself stay in back. I set to a pace that was almost minimal effort because I was soooooooo afraid of going out too fast and dying in the last mile or two. The first couple of miles were flat city streets and at mile 1 I clocked 10:30. Yes, this was faster than I wanted to go for sure, after all, last weekend I did my first mile in about that time and…well, you know what happened. But the problem was, I was really feeling good, I mean really – minimal effort! So I tried to slow down a little and ended up with 10:44 for the second mile. At this point I was very conflicted because I was feeling so good but the times were so similar to last weekend’s time and, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, I was kind of obsessing on not repeating that whole deal.

Mile 3 took us into a park and the start of 3 or 4 nice little hills. I’ve decided that I like hills, I really do – they slow you down and they make you work harder, but they also narrow your focus and I really appreciate that. I honestly find them more invigorating than dispiriting. So, I’m running up these hills slow because now I’m really really mindful of not spending myself here as there’s 2 flat miles back in that maybe I can not die on today. Mile 3 finished up at 12:41. Yeah, I told you I took ‘em slow. But I ran them.

The next distance measured was actually the 0.9 mile segment of the 4.9 (8K) course. It was at this point that I noticed, as I was now out of the tree-lined park path, that the sun was starting to beat down and that I was feeling it. I got almost a little panicked feeling that heat coming down on me. I thought about those first 2 miles being faster than I planned and wondered if right now was going to be when it came back and bit me. Now, of course, I was not feeling the ease that I had felt in the beginning, but I also wasn’t feeling fatigued and hurting so, you know, I just kept thinking keep it strong. The 0.9 ended in 9:30.

The last mile was hard – I’d like to say that I took the leash off and just rocketed to the finish but I was feeling pretty hot and tired and the few sips of water that I’d taken at the last stop were making me queasy. So, I’m chugging along, trying to keep it strong, and this lady pulls up beside me and says she’s been pacing me the whole way, that I’ve got a steady, strong pace and she was so glad that she could attach herself to me to keep up to the speed she wanted to. That was nice. We chatted for a few minutes and then she proceeded to leave me in the dust – which we laughed about later. Shortly, I came upon a much older lady who was walking along and I said, c’mon we’re almost there!. She said something about me being an optimist but she started running along side me. She stayed close to me for a little bit but then had to walk again. She ended up finishing maybe 20 seconds behind me and placed 2nd in the 60+ division. I hit the finish with 9:50 for the last mile and 53:20 overall per my watch – “gun time” was 53:24, short run to the start line . 154/186 and 18/36 in my division (35-39).

Am I pleased? Yes, very. This wasn’t quite the distance of that 10K but it renewed my confidence. It was a well planned, fun race with great volunteers and plenty of folks out in their front yards cheering us on! Instead of bagels the post-race snacks included tomato pie which, I believe, is indigenous to Utica. It’s a fluffy dough topped with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese and served cold. It sounds like just cold pizza but it’s different, mostly due to the dough I think. Anyway, it hit the spot and I had 3 pieces in addition to the orange and watermelon wedges and the the chocolate chip cookies! So, Yay! I’m feeling renewed confidence to go from here!!

Can ya stand anymore??? I’ll keep it brief!

Relay for Life

Despite being involved with cancer and hospice care for awhile now, this was my first year doing any more than writing a donation check to this event. Wow! These take place all over the country in June and they are amazing to take part in – do it if you have the opportunity or it’s a cause close to your heart – you’ll be blown away. It’s like a festival – lots of tents and booths and raffles and concessions – and all the proceeds go to the American Cancer Society. All are set up by individual parties – folks who have lost someone to cancer or are/know someone who has survived it. Also hospital, oncology center, and hospice workers who have been touched. **A side note – if you are ever inclined to give to a charity of your choosing, check out Charity Navigatior to find out how your money is distributed.**

At 10 pm on Saturday, we all gathered to hear cancer survivors stand up and share their stories. Each team had lighted luminaries, which were votive candles placed in white paper bags with a name in honor or in memory of someone. They were placed along the perimeter of the track. After the speakers, everyone lit their own candles to carry, gathered behind a bagpipe player, playing – of course – Amazing Grace, and walked the track slowly. In honor and in memory.

I pitched a tent and spent the night, doing alot of the overnight walking shifts except when the wild thunderstorm and torrential downpour blew in. After the storm, about 3 am, many of us hit the track again and walked in the newly cooled and refreshed air. The fog was thick and the track lights shown through softly. Amazingly, some of the luminaries had remained lit.

Ultimately, it was hot, sticky, dirty, long, beautiful, instructional, inspirational, mournful, life affirming. I’ll surely be back next year.

Girly Time

Last Tuesday I took 2 of my neices (ages 11 & 8 ) to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Total girl movie – loved it!! You know, we talked about which guy was cutest, then we talked about diets, boys, friends, parents, etc. I am in the most wonderful postition of being the good-time Auntie and so therefore have a little more credibility than boring old mom (even though I’m pretty much saying pretty much the same thing as mom but reframing it in a different “way cool aunt way” ). Afterwards we went back to sissee’s house and swam in the pool. I didn’t actually swim, I just laid on the float and responded to the many many many “look at this Aunt Lara” calls to watch some various dive or underwater handstand or other such aquatics. Later, each girl took me for a ride on their 4-wheeler on some Blair Witch-type wooded trail and I’m sure if the bike hadn’t had a governor that limited it to 30 mph, I’d probably be in a neck brace right now. I think this week we’ll go see Madagascar. I need more girl time in my life.

Development Runs

I keep meaning to talk about these and I don’t – and I’m not going to right now either because this is going way long. After my next one, on Wednesday, I plan to share a little more as I am really enjoying them.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my shin did not speak a word during the 8K, not during or after, not yet at all. I don’t know why and I won’t question, I’ll just take it! Plans for this week include a 7 mile long run and a 5 mile race. I’m also considering a new job and thinking about going back to school next year so lots of cool machinations. Maybe I’ll write about it all – or maybe I’ll drink beer on my porch and watch Fear Factor.

Man, what a week! I did not get the distances in that I had hoped due to some unexpected crises (with work and with a friend’s health – not with me personally). But the runs I did do were very encouraging – including today’s 8K, which I will happily talk more about sometime soon!

Now to pack and nap as I will be spending much of the night walking in the Relay for Life with my hospice team.

Hope everyone is having a great running and racing weekend!!

Firstly, my thanks for the comments of encouragement and comfort. This race was the most difficult thing yet in my relatively short time running. I can’t even say what the support and perspective shared meant to me, and moreso, how it really helped me to forgive myself so I could get on with the business of putting the experience to good use! You guys rock, for true.

Nextly, after a day spent yesterday in a state of physical tiredness and emotional flatness, I was ready to hit the road again today. Really I was a little nervous – some part of my brain was trying to convince me that as soon as I started running I would immediately feel like that last mile on Saturday. It didn’t help that the weather was again low 80′sF and very humid. Thankfully, it was pretty cloudy so the beating down sun factor wasn’t there. The flip side of those clouds was that the forecast called for thunderstorms with “deadly lightning” and “damaging winds” (which they later just summarized as “tornado watch”). I got going a little earlier than usual and decided to run in the village by the canal rather than the canal path because I didn’t want to be a mile or two out on a trail if lightning started. I hadn’t run around town since late winter and, as it’s a small place, you have to do alot of looping up, down, and around to get in anything over a mile – but the good part is that if the weather started I was close to my car or the post office or the libraray, etc.

Now let me deviate for a moment and talk a little about what I am trying to figure out with my training here. If I look at my deficits right now in terms of preparing for the Boilermaker, they are:
– Acclimitization: Yeah, I live in central New York State and it just got to be above 65F, like, last week so I am not nearly accustomed to the 80+ and humid we have been having in the last several days. Solution: Keep running. Strap on a water bottle, put on sunscreen, and get used to it.
– Distance: Like I went on about in my last post, I dropped down my mileage to babysit this bratty shin. There has been no such thing as a long run in a few weeks and not getting some distances is scary. I had hoped to be a little overprepared and now I will scramble to be just about ready. Solution: Well, I labored and labored over a training schedule for the next 5 weeks that would get my long runs increased without jacking up weekly mileage too quickly and screwing my stupid hateful shin….. (I mean, I love you, shin. Please be kind to me. Loooove you).
– Pace: Blah. Always a problem for me. In the first couple weeks of training, I was finally starting to get a handle on my different efforts and how they translated into what pace I was running. And more importantly, I was learning when and how to exert which effort for which outcome. Then I ran my 5K PR and, I swear to god, ever since then I have had a really hard time finding my slower pace again. Sure, maybe my body is naturally wanting to run a little faster – and that’s great – but, as I discovered on Saturday, not every run can be at 5K race pace. And, unfortunately, since I have been spending the last 3 weeks running no more than 5K distances, I’m having a hard time finding a pace that can sustain me for longer.

So, back to today – I headed out thinking I would do 30-40 minutes and just take it as it came. I wanted to concentrate on going slow, like really slow, because even though I wasn’t planning on it being a long run at all, I wanted to get reconnected with control of the speedometer.

Now, here’s where you can tell me I’m a psycho – the first mile I’m thinking ok, I’m going slow slow slow, take it slow. But I feel like I’m going fast and so I put a hill in there and then run slow back down the hill. The Garmin goes off and it’s 12:16 and I’m all kind of disappointed and thinking god, I’m going so slow. **sigh** So the next 2 miles are 10:31 and 10:35 and that’s with all the hills I could find in town thrown in. So I can’t figure it out. It seemed equally hot and sticky and hard all the while, and this was with me supposedly keeping my effort down. I’d like to be proud but really I’m just befuddled.

To make a long story longer – it was a good run really. I ran strong in the heat, I managed to scare up 5 hills of short distance but fairly steep incline, and I ran a couple of fast (for me) miles. That wasn’t my goal but the fact that the 2nd and 3rd miles came at nearly the same level of effort as the first slow mile is good. But it won’t sustain me for a long run – for sure, I know that!

Tomorrow with the club will probably be a “fast” 3 miles as they are now doing timed development runs for the summer, but Thursday I plan to do 6 in a really controlled way. My plan is to do 6 in a way that I finish strong – then, on Satuday, I have an 8K race in which – I hope – I can find the place between my faster 3′s and my slower 6.

Wahoo! Am I obssessing a little?? Maybe that’s the natural response – the overwhelming urge to plan plan plan, fix fix fix. The reality, I guess, is that each day, and each run, is its own. And the beauty is that even though right now, 100% of my focus is on July 10, I’ll be running again on July 12 or 13, and then beyond.

I’m going to call this day good. Not because I ran the race I wanted to, because I sure as shit didn’t, but because – and admittedly after some mourning – I will benefit greatly from this experience. It was a reality check for sure. Initially I was left with some overwhelming feelings of doubt about my ability to run the upcoming 15K but later, when I took a breather from beating the crap out of myself, I acknowledged that this was an encounter that had something to teach me. Well, I hope so anyway. Otherwise I will have to amend myself and call this a damn crappy day!

First of all, I was worried about this race. You know, at first my training program for the Boilermaker was totally cruising. I mean, all in all, I felt good and could clearly see my progress. Then my shin started to bother more and more and it seemed like the only thing to do to preserve myself for the race was to back down on the mileage for a couple of weeks and see if I could heal it, to some degree anyway. Since then, my training has been a mishmash – unfocused, difficult, and certainly without forward motion. And for the most part, my shin doesn’t seem to have improved all that much. It has good days and bad days but, as yet, is clearly not resolved. Anyway, my last longest run was 7 miles on May 12 and since then nothing longer than 5K. So, clearly, I wasn’t well prepared for this distance but since I’d registered pre-shin pain I thought I would see it through as best I could and mark it as the beginning of the resumption of my training in earnest (because frankly, shin or no shin, I’ve got to shit or get off the pot here).

The race wasn’t scheduled to take off till 3:55 pm so I slept in, sat on the porch, and got ready in a leisurely fashion. But my nerves were jumpy and the peanut butter and banana sandwich I ate in the morning seemed to sit in my belly for a long time. About 3 hours before start time I had a fruit smoothie and chewed on some crystalized ginger. I drank water throughout the day.

This run through the village of Clinton benefitted the Kirkland Art Center. There were a variety of runs from a kid’s 1 mile fun run to, what I was told was, a kick butt 10 miler. Not to judge a runner by his/her looks (though I did), I could tell just by looking around that I was going to be firmly and consistently at the back of the pack. Which was fine – I knew I couldn’t go too fast, I knew I had to pace myself for 6 miles, not 3, I knew it was hotter and more humid than I had previously run in. I knew I knew I knew.

So, off we go. I really was trying to not go off too quickly and, when the pack spread out, I was one of the last few people bringing up the rear initially, but within the first mile some of the people directly ahead of me started walking. I was like oh yeah, this is how it will go, I will stay back and as the people who went off too fast tire, I’ll so make my move. Suddenly, it was the first mile and I looked at my watch – 10:30 – not cool, that’s around my 5K race pace. Got to slow down.

Which I did…some. Mile 2 was notable for passing a few more people but, dammit, not being able to get by the racewalking lady! This mile was closer to where I had wanted to be (11:00-11:30), at 10:58. These first 2 miles were on village streets and, although the sun was shining down pretty hot, there was lots of shade from trees lining the roads.

Ok, here’s where I – OF COURSE – started screwing up my splits. I mean, for the most part, it’s not rocket science but damn if I can manage to push that stupid little button on my watch at the right time. It’s probably just as well because after mile 3 I wouldn’t be too eager to share them anyway. Things started to get harder for me between 2 and 3. It was pretty well flat but the shady areas were becoming few and far between and I was really feeling the heat of the sun. It seemed like it was F O R E V E R to the second water stop, though it was probably a little less than 2 miles altogether, and I felt like that really took a toll. I felt very dry.

Alot of mile 4 was uphill to the turnaround and, although the corollary to that is that you get a good bit of downhill to follow, it wasn’t enough to give me the boost I needed to get through the next 2 miles.

After the hill, I was really fighting. I knew I went out too fast and really tried to slow down, but ultimately I think the heat and the sun did me in. In mile 5, I was running slow, really slow. I had, as always when I’m struggling, resolved to run as slow as I needed to, to keep running and not walk (simply, as I’ve stated before, because that’s not part of my own personal goals – not because I hold any judgement regarding run/walk training). At this point, people who are coming back from the 10 mile run are tearing past me (I’m not exaggerating, they were screaming by!!). Meanwhile, I’m getting a little nervous – my breathing isn’t too bad, I mean I’m working and puffing but I’m not gasping, I feel like I’ve got my breathing under control for the most part. And I’m not really having any untoward pains in shin or ankle. I did have a sharp stitch in my right upper abdomen which I was able to kind of exhale out. But, ultimately, I felt just utterly fatigued – different even than lead legs – my legs weren’t heavy, they just had no strength, it felt like something quite different even though it sounds the same. I tried to put it all aside and just keep going but then my peripheral vision started to get foggy and I started to get the chills and that, getting the chills on an 80+ degree day mostly, freaked me out enough to slow to a walk. I don’t know if it meant anything, but I guess I just didn’t want to take the chance.

So, and maybe people who have had to walk when they didn’t plan on it know this, but walking is kind of the devil because once you do it, damn if you think you might never want to start running again, certainly not in this race! So I walked for a fair bit, until I felt I had collected myself, then I ran very slowly to the next water stop and walked again. I was in the last mile now and the chills had subsided but the weakness had not and I thought this is the worst because not only have I exhausted myself physically but now my mind keeps screaming JUST WALK!! Towards the end of the 6th mile there was one more hill and I walked up it, and it’s kind of scary to even say this but, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to walk up it. And I was not walking briskly, I was plodding – and I was so completely exhausted that I wasn’t sure I would do it.

Kindly, the last 0.2 was downhill which made it possible for me to run in with arms pumping and heels kicking as though I was some kind of fucking hero. Thank you gravity! Again, and as usual, I forgot to hit my watch or look at the clock when I crossed the line. Damn multi-tasking! So I estimate my time to be about 1:18:00ish. I don’t know if they post the times on-line for this race but I’ll wait and see. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter that much anyway. If my time is really 1:17:48, is it really any better? If it’s 1:18:12, is it really any worse???

I think that I was 2nd to last in the 10K, but I also think that some of the people I passed in the first couple of miles veered off at the 5K Walk turn (which, ya know, was damn tempting! ) so……well, so what, really.

Summary (as if) – I crossed the finish line feeling about as dejected and decrepit as could be. I walked back and forth on the sidewalk just to get my feet back under me and drank a couple of cups of water. There was a festival going on across the road at the village green, and maybe that’s where the bagels and fruit and stuff were, but I was not up to being with people. I slugged back to the car and had a little cry over an orange and another couple bottles of water. I was dry, and I had a headache, and even then when I was all pissed off at myself I thought you have learned a valuable lesson today about what you will be facing in 5 weeks. Even still, I was not yet comforted. I headed for Dunkin’ Donuts and got a bagel and iced latte’ and started thinking about all the encouraging words I give to others who, in my eyes run tremendous races and, in their own eyes run very disappointing races. I thought about why I don’t apply this to myself – and then, if I did, how maybe it would help me instead of giving me a reason (excuse) to be unkind and unforgiving to myself. Because, really, that’s easier. It’s easier to say I suck and I can’t do this and I’ll never be good at….But – HA HA – I have foiled myself today and so this is not a defeat, you see, it is a step forward. And that quote that I slapped on the end of a previous post has really come to mean something much more on this day.