Getting unstuck…
Evidently, the first sentence is the most difficult becuase I am sitting here trying several on for size and none of them seem to conjure the jumping through the flaming hoop spot-lighted rock star entrance I was hoping to evoke after being away for such a while. taptaptap…is this thing on?
In the past month the job got quit, the trip got traveled, and now I am home, looking out on a sea of choices that were always there. And it’s spring!
Here are some highlights of recent days:
1) Meeting Susan - Well, if you’re at all familiar with her then there’s not a whole lot I can say. The open friendliness and kind supportiveness that we all are familiar with is certainly there, as well as a creative and analytical mind and a very brave spirit! As soon as I climbed out of my car she made me feel like an old friend and when it was time to say good bye I would’ve loved to have stayed much longer. You Connecticut folks are in for a real treat!!
2) Running in the Cary, North Carolina 5K road race - I just can’t get over how much I enjoyed this race!
When I was planning to visit an old friend in Cary I noticed this race would be going on while I was in town so I promptly registered. By the time I finally quit my job, said good-bye to my patients and co-workers, packed my car and said so long to my family, spent an exhausting day in Washingon DC, and finally ended up in Cary I was thinking fageddaboudit! Then when my friend said she couldn’t make it to the race and gave me directions to find it and a good luck pat on the back….well, my heart was just not into it.
But the day was so beautiful and the fee was paid and what the hell else did I have to do, so off I went. Talk about serendipity. The race took place near and around a lovely little lake next to an outdoor amphtheatre (which was the staging area and had lots of awesome indoor restrooms!), and the setting could not have been more lovely. There were 5K and 10K races, and competitive (chip) and recreational catagories. The 10Kers were off and running while I was picking up my number and on their 2nd loop around this course I could see they were working so I wondered what was in store up the road as the portion around the lake appeared flat. I had decided not to get a chip and, having not run in several days, was not thinking much about being competitive. I just figured it was, at the least, good to be out there and good to run. And it was very good. When it came time to line up, of course I trotted to the back and was struck not only by the number of people with baby joggers but the number of kids running with their parents. Like 5 year old kids on up to pre-teens. I thought this is cool! I mean, do you have any idea the kind of amazing energy kids add to a race?!!? I didn’t till then. So off we go, and of course everyone, including people pushing strollers and 5 year olds are passing me - but this time it’s really ok because I am just so happy to be in the midst of them. There’s a dad running hand in hand with his daughter, there’s a mom running next to her girl and talking to her about her own first race - when she started off too fast and couldn’t make it to the end, here’s a dad acknowledging that his son is working hard and wants to walk but encouraging him to go just a little bit farther before he does, there’s the mom with the baby jogger who I can only pass when she is pulled off to the side to give her toddler some water, then she blows by me again as soon as she’s afoot. I was blown away. Between the beautiful weather, the beautiful course, and the beautiful energy that was this race, I actually felt this moment of renewal and I thought that’s it, it’s really about the moments, just like this.
As for me, I ran the race. the first mile was all hill which I, of course, ran up too fast. The 2nd mile downhill was, of course, deceptively easy. The 3rd mile was flat but I had blown my wad, I was in weather much warmer than I was accustomed to, and I had been a lacksidaisical runner at best lately, so it was tough. My Forerunner gave the distance at slightly less than measured so my end time per Garmin was 34:51 and per Cary time 35:10. No matter. It was a beautiful day and I was so grateful to be there. My hat off to Cary, NC for a well planned, well executed, true community event. I might just make it a point to be there next year!!
Now to 3) My Boilermakertraining ? Here is my job: to get unstuck. I have been stuck ? professionally, emotionally, psychologically, running-ly ? stuck. Now I?m getting unstuck. In all ways.
So this race that I have my heart set on is less than 16 weeks away. Not long, really. Yes it?s on July 10, the middle of summer ? and yes, our forecast is calling for snow in the next couple of days so it?s hard to make a real-time connection between now and then. But really, 16 weeks is not that far away, from my perspective.
Having a training plan (from All Triathlon) (per a tip from Annalisa) and having a goal that I am thoroughly unwilling to deviate from is kind of anxiety inducing. Sure, when the plan says ?run 40 minutes, 50 minutes, whatever? or ?run 4 miles, 5 miles, etc? I think I?m ok, I can do it, slowly, but I can get it done. When the plan says ?run 5 minutes at 80% x 3 with 1 minute recovery jogs? or ?run three 1 mile repeats at 80-90% with 4 minute recovery jogs? I?m a little nervous. On the purely visceral side, I guess it scares me that it is so hard. I mean, of course it is, it’s supposed to be, but I guess the fact is that I have not done Hard in a long enough time that I feel intimidated by it. On the physiologic side, in paying attention to my HR for the first time, I am finding that I can’t seem to jog slowly enough to get below 80%. I can discern subjective levels of effort but it seems that regardless, my HR is always way up there. Due to lots of heart disease in my dad’s family, I have had a cardiac stress test and aced it. So my muscles and bones (post injury) have been tolerating running well, but my cardio just hasn’t seemed to improve. And I can?t help but figure that it?s because I have been stuck ? same distance, same pace, do the job, bang the run out and go home. Maybe that?s almost like not running at all. No, that can?t be true, but it’s clearly not conducive to progress. Ultimately, I may have to ditch checking my heart rate and just go with how I feel because I could see myself getting all balled up about it and making it an issue that it doesn’t need to be.
In the end, what I have to do, what I am trying to do in all things these days, is to recognize Hard as a challenge to be met and not a deterrent to be avoided.
