Although at one point I had to stop walking to and from work because there were SO MANY bears around.

Scary huh?

Anyway, we moved.

Again.

Ugh.

We bought a new house…well a new townhouse.

And by new I mean 25yrs old.

But it’s great….and of course better than renting.

And Chris might be leaving in Sept to back to school about 2hrs away from us.

So smaller digs without much maintenance will be great.

And if we end up leaving town or something, it’s perfectly rentable!

Anyway, so I’m not like dead or digested or anything.

But I am going into the wild on Sunday for a few days of camping, so there is still time to be viciously devoured.

OH…and here is a typical pamalama story for you.

We live in a part of the province that is surrounded by lakes, I think we have something like 400 lakes just in our immediate area.

So, we bought a boat.

A 16ft deep blah blah, 120 horses….oooh it was sweet.

And just before we went to pick it up, a guy in a log skidder backed over it.

OF COURSE HE DID.

Didn’t even get to sit in it.

No picnics, no waterskiing, no tenting on the various campable islands dotting the lakes.

Let me repeat that, BACK OVER BY A LOG SKIDDER.

Welcome to my life.

In other unrelated news.
Did you know that when you ground your 12 year old (Happy Birthday Brendan) that it’s totally your fault. And that you are the reason they got in trouble?
EVEN if you offer to let them off their punishment for the day (seeing as it is their birthday afterall) but tomorrow we will resume with our regular scheduled punishment.
THAT is the most horrible thing you can do to a person!
He has NOTHING to do!
MEANEST!
PARENTS!
EVER!

Ladies you will totally get me.

I went for my bi- annual “looky-loo” today. This is the first time with my present doctor.

Also the first time with a male doctor in a long time.

Also the first time in this town for a loooooooooong time.

Ladies…it was still STEEL.

STEEL!

As in cold…hard….surgical steel!

When she brought me into the (words smallest) exam room, she told me she was going to “Set up” and then would leave me to undress and later return with the doctor.

She began lining up all the instruments of terror which was odd to begin with because I am used to my (old) Doctor doing it herself.

ANYWAY, the nurse started running the water and I am assuming she’s getting ready to scrub in.

Not so!

She was running the water to make it warm. To warm the SPECULUM (circa: 1967).

!!

And it totally seemed like she had grabbed it out of some random drawer of miscellaneous medical instruments.  Not wrapped in plastic like the ones the REAL Doctors use.

I

was

MORTIFIED.

And let me tell it was only down hill from there.

But you know, it’s done for another 2 years (or is it annually now that I am over *cough cough* 35?) and so hopefully by then he will be dead. And a MUCH younger Doc will feel me up in the name of health.

ugh

So there.

So my period started this weekend…all sneaky like.

It totally just showed up out of the blue.

There was no rage, no binge eating, not even sore boobies.

Infact we were on a boat and we had come ashore to seek shelter from the thunderstorm and I used the washroom (ick) and was all “hello there, my purse is at home. oh my.”

And the day after came and with it came FULL ON PMS…on this is probably more accurately MS since it post pre.

Not so much with the binge eating, but seriously? I fucking hated everyone.

Today I am only mildly angry in general, but the cocoa I am snorting seems to be helping.

Sunday was father’s day.

And this year Chris got a baseball bat that he picked out and paid for and also he got the pleasure of playing in 6 baseball games this weekend without me bitching at him (too much).

6.

Six

Baseball games.

Guess what happens when a 41 yr old plays baseball for 3 days straight?

They become utterly useless.

Zombie like even, given the fact they are SO hungry and mal nourished (cause GOD FORBID YOU PACK SOMETHING!) they will in fact happily eat your brain.

It was a busy weekend, but we did manage to spend some family time together which is nothing short of a miracle.

We have Shadow, she peed on my carpet this morning.

I might stir fry her for dinner.

A lot of it.

40lbs has got to go.

I’m fat

&

Out of shape.

And I hate it.

It’s not like I can’t run 5k without dieing, but I can’t run 15k and 5? Is an effort.

And? I am finding it SO HARD to just GO AND FUCKING RUN ALREADY.

Why?

Why is that? I NEED to go, I HAVE to go.

Have I run this week?

NO.

I’ve a few walks here and there, but the always include Noah, and lets face it, it’s not working up a sweat.

I just want to be back in the habit.

Chris comes home and i go out for a run.

I’m so lazy. So so so sooooo lazy.

moo

I hate it.

Enough, already.

Get up.

Go.

Not only am I out of honey, but I just used the LAST tea bag.

Now I am not a tea bag squeezer, since this lawyer I once worked for told me it will make your tea bitter, I just kind of scoop it out and toss it. Today I just scooped it out and laid it on the cutting board.

AHHH. Which means I can use it to make one more cup. ONE MORE CUP!

all is lost.

ALL IS LOST.

Brendan now has whatever it was that Noah and I had. Except his throat seems a lot more sore. Poor guy. He missed the last two days of school and today is the first day of the march break. Not that fair really. We don’t fair out well for holidays.

one year for the summer holidays they had chickenpox for the first couple of weeks.

We are cursed. I wonder what will happen for Easter? Ebola?

It’s not like we are overly sickly people, I don’t think. We are hardy and healthy. We just seem to get sick around major holidays. Especially Christmas, although this year? We totally made it Boxing Day or maybe it was New Years.

Oh we had such fabulous plans this weekend. We were going to hike down to one of the lakes in our neighbourhood and have a fire…let the kids play on the ice and go sliding. Roast some weinies and drink some hot chocolate. BUT now Chris has to work, I have to work, Brendan is sick and Noah has a birthday party at the swimming pool. We are DOOMED.

I have a feeling this is going to be a LOOOOONG week.

hold me.

Last night Noah had me up from 2 – 3am. He came in at 2am and closed our door and then started to SHOUT at us to turn on the lamp. Chris held out his hand to help him find his way across the bedroom, and this caused Noah to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. And was immediately yelling and demanding. And so Chris scooped him up and brought him back to his bed. Telling along the way that showing up in someone’s bedroom in the middle of the night and immediately screaming at them was a not a great way to wake them up.

30 minutes later he was standing in the hallway calling for Brendan over and over. Clearly it was my turn so I hopped up and dashed into the hall. He thought Brendan was awake and sitting on the couch. It was my sweater and a blanket left on the couch from the night before. And ANYWAY what do you want Brendan for.

So I took him back to his bed and tucked him in. I climbed under the blanket with him and we had a warm snuggle. I rubbed his bad and he started to fade off to sleep. I kissed him goodnight and went back to bed.

JUST as I was falling back to sleep he comes in and tells us he wants to sleep with us.

FINE.

Get in

GO TO SLEEP.

But Dadddy? Can I have more room?

Gah. Eventually we all got back to sleep. Chris got up at 6am to find Brendan already awake (and yes on the couch) with a fever. And then he threw up. He is in the shower right now, shower number 2. He’s like his dad. The minute Chris gets a fever he’s in the shower 100 times a day. I think it does more harm because he has such HOT showers that he actually makes his fever worse if that’s possible. I am relatively sure Brendan will run out of hot water any second as his first shower was only 20 minutes ago. Scratch that, he was soaking in a warm tub. I brought him in a fresh towel and some toasty jammies and a hoody. He’s feeling like dirt still..but DAMN is he clean!
So that means. NO GYM again today. And NO run.

Gar.

I think I shall plunk my fat butt on my exercise bike and do that for an hour at some point.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

It’s going to be 9 degrees today.

NINE dudes.

I want to stay home and clean up gardens. I smelled like spring yesterday.Snow was melting everywhere. It was fabulous but also slightly creepy. Whatever, I’ll take it.

Swimming lessons again last night. It’s like private lesson for Noah, since the other 4 kids are off paying with toy etc. Of course he would learn a lot more if he would keep his head above water long enough to receive instruction.

Brendan’s group seems to be doing well way over there on the other side of the pool. AND there is another Brendan in his group. We NEVER meet other Brendan’s. EVER. Most people don’t even call him Brendan (I’m sure I’ve ranted about it before), they call him BrAndOn or Brennan but somehow have a mental block with B-R-E-N-D-A-N. I mean seriously, it’s not that obscure.

I have to work today, for 9 hours, it’s a special event at our store. Man that job is really getting old. I know i know, stop complaining you turned down a perfectly fabulous job. But you see this complaint? Is about me, and my dislike for my chronic lying boss.

I mean it’s not like she even only lies about work stuff. She lies about EVErytHING. Her work history, her medical conditions, her natural hair colour. I mean she even lies about her dog’s medical conditions.

So when she says something to me like “Oh Sorry Pam you can’t have the whole weekend off, head office says 2 people from the management team need to be here, but since I am so fabulous I will let you have that day and we’ll just pretend you were here.” i have no idea what part of that statement was true. Usually it’s all bullshit fabricated to make herself look good. And it worked on me for a long time.

NO LONGER.

I mean she tells people she was in the Army but somehow came out without a skill OR having been stationed anywhere but her home province.

HELLO? Something smells about that tale.

My throat hurts, clearly Laura passed something on to me. I can’t even call in sick on account of only working 2 days a week. Also, I never call in sick unless one of my kids is sick. I’m great like that. I will drag myself into the office and infect each and everyone of you JUST so I will still have sick days left when my kids are sick. But wait, I don’t have an office anymore. I do have a store. And old people come in and cough on me ALL THE TIME. They will hack up a lung on their handful of money and then plop the whole soggy mess into my hand. Thanks. You’re disgusting and hope those pants make your ass look huge. Time to bath in hand sanitizer AGAIN.
Yesterday this hag came in and asked me if we had ANY skirts. Why yes do, we have about 70 trillion different skirts. And HERE THEY ARE! TA DA! We have this one and this one and this one. her: no no no and oh my god no.

So then she scoffs at the fact that we still have sweat shirts in the store in may (it’s 8 degrees C right now…brr) and asks why they aren’t on sale.

I murmered something about a conspiracy against her personally and then left her fend for herself. My boss and I exchanged an eyeroll.

I went to pee (way to much tea for me yesterday) and when I came out? My boss was showing her the EXACT same skirts I did and she was LOVING THEM. She bought two. The whole time my boss is trying not to laugh at her. This woman is ooooing and aaaahing as if she is seeing these for the first time. I was dumbfounded (shut up Jon), gobsmacked even.

I’m starting to dislike (see? I didn’t say hate. progress!)the retirees of this town. I know they helped the town survive. But frankly, piss off now please. And kindly STOP coughing on me. Gah! They hate it here. Too many bears! Not enough ramps for their scooters! The washrooms in the mall are too small! The grocery store is too cold!  The buses are too fast, too late, too cold. And don’t even get them started on the bugs.
Some of them I adore. One lady inparticular loves me to serve her because i refuse to upsell her. She comes in for pants she leaves with pants. She doesn’t leave with 2 pants and 2 shirts and 2 socks. Cause I hate that (clearly NOT a salesperson), alot of these people are on fixed incomes! Anyway she calles me “the YOUNG one.”

hee.I would kiss her full on the mouth, if she had any teeth and shaved more often.

And now, they give us advice. And while I enjoy their advice, they clearly know alot more about running a business than we do at this point, we have different goals and REALLY different lives.

Just the other day, she was telling how we shouldn’t have ANY staff at all and I should be at the restaurant working all the time. You see they bought their business when their two kids were young, and the bascially grew up in their store. They learned to sleep in boxes and cartons or whatever they needed on late nights or naptime.

!!

No. thank you. This restaurant has effected (affected?) my kids enough. I will not let it cost them their childhood. I will not. Sure their kids are set to be handed down a well established business when they retired, but they will NOT entertain the idea that their 17 year old son is gay (even though he told them so).

“He’s never been with a girl how can he know he doesn’t like them?”

“All his friends are girls! He surrounded by them, how can he be gay?”

Yeah.

These are genuinely well meaning people. They have led VERY sheltered lives. NEVER lived outside of this area. And while they have great advice on business (kind of) they do not have great advice on life.

However, she’s making feel guilty. Like I am failing somehow. She says I should only wear second hand clothes, buy only 2nd hand clothes for my kids. And only toys from yard sales. That’s how you save money. I should quit my little retail job (50% off!!!) and invest ALL OF MY TIME into the restaurant.

I’ve already left a full time job for my kids (a good one too!) and I have no intentions of raising them in the back of a restaurant.

biatch!