Running Commentary

A Secret Deep & Dark September 14 2007

I’ve had a secret for quite sometime now.

I would even say close to 2 years.

I have been suffering depression.

(Jon & Philip go “duh”)

I think it started off innocently enough. I missed my Southern Ontario life. I missed my running group. My stained glass friends and the fabric stores.

I missed my deck and the tea I used to drink on it.

But I ignored it as self indulgent because i knew my kids where happier here. Everyone was happier here, but me. Suck it up butter cup.

I was running semi regularly when we first moved here. a couple of 10k runs a week and a couple of 5′s. Not bad but enough to keep my ass in shape.

Everyone has really settled nicely into their new lives here. Chris has become very active, biking playing ball.

the kids love their schools. they play a variety of sports and take swimming lessons.

life is great.

for them.

Me? I feel like I’ve settled into my OLD life. The life I had before i even left here. And not the good parts. You see my last few years at home were not so pretty. My mother had slipped into a deep depression, but that did not allow her to get out of her chair in front of the fire place. She did nothing for days but smoke and rock in that chair. She had a hard time even cleaning the house or cooking dinner.

And guess where I find myself today?

Sitting on my couch (not smoking) in a deep dark pit. I cannot get up the gumption to leave a comment on your blog, let alone pick up the toys to push the vacuum around the place.

We had some crap this summer that we dealt with, and are still dealing with somewhat. But i cannot shake lose.

It’s gone beyond my rageful pms…it’s gone beyond a little blue.

It’s time to do something.

It’s CLEARLY time for a trip to the doctor.

oh wait, I’ve let my health card expire and oh yeah i have to make an appointment months in advance to renew it because we don’t live near a city anymore.

GAH I love the free health care thing but COME ON!

So it’s ALMOST time to see the doc. The doc I’ve never met, but i’m supposed to go “hi…I moved here and got REALLY fat. can i like…have some w€llbutrin?”

I still miss my old life a little. I love the nature here. i love being in the bush.

But I also loved running, and i loved creating with stained glass & i loved sewing the horrid things i sewed.

I took Sascha for a walk today…in the bush for an hour.

Baby steps I guess.