Running Commentary

Several Things September 24 2007

but mostly I would sell your soul for a cigarette right now.

Right this second I want a smoke for the first time in 7 years.

In 3 seconds it will pass, I’m sure.

My laptop freaked the fuck out the other night and dumped ALL MY BOOKMARKS. All of them.

I wept.

I’ve out..

And…a little about, i won’t lie.

Second hand shopping with my sister, something i haven’t done since my years (even after it was dead) of grunge worship.

One Gap demin shirt for Noah…is that gross? Second hand shirt for my child? no right? And also? it’s more politcally correct to shop at the Gap after it’s second hand, like the proceeds go to charity and NOT helping sweatshops buy better whips…and speed.

Right?

My dog ate a half a pan of home made granola bars.

dude, this will not end well for you.

I am feeling…..better.

Not completely sane but you know…..better.

Also? I somehow managed to GAIN FOUR GoD DAMneD POUNDS LAST WEEK.

Seriously?

That kind of sucks.

you see hanging out with my pot head (not feffie) sister and her uber snaking ways is not the best idea sometimes.

Sure it’s yummy but she’s got the metabolism of a fruit fly (they’re thin right?) not me I’m more like a  hibernating bear!

And finally

MY FEFFIE IS MOVING HOME!

They bought the house next door. They are leaving the arctic on Oct 14 to drive half way across the country to live NEXT DOOR TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE.

huzzah

ha! September 18 2007

omg, that kills me

Why can’t I embed it?

I don’t understand!

aaaaa

September 16 2007

before school started I ventured down town to the grocery store to hunt for healthy snacks for Noah’s lunch kit. Last year he needed only one snack, this year he needs 2 snacks and a lunch! THE PRESSURE!

Brendan is such a picky eater that i am very limited in what he will actually ingest from his lunch, so healthiness is usually an after thought in his lunch kit. If he actually swallows something we’re ahead…you know what I’m saying? (although in his defense he has gotten MUCH better in the last few years…and will even eat an apple or a few grapes at lunch).

Anyway, so i had bought whole wheat crackers, fruits, yogurts (oh yeah, Bren eats those too) and a sweet treat as well, but i wanted something filling and wholesome for his afternoon snack. Granola Bars! Yes!

Over to the granola bar section I went to peruse the possibilities. Um, how are these any different than cookies? Marshmellows? Chocolate chips? Chocolate COVERED? Now, while I agree these will be scrumptious and i would happily devour them. I don’t exactly see them as a healthy snack. I looked and looked for those ones that we all had as kids, there were rock hard and crunchy..but HEALTHY!

None.

Of course. Cause they don’t contain rainbow gummy dinosaurs for christsake, who the hell would buy those?

I returned home determined to make home made granola bars and started my search for the perfect recipe.

Yeah.

I found so many yummy recipes, most of which called for honey (which i am totally hip to using) & corn syrup (a no no) or honey (yay!) & BROWN SUGAR.

Seriously?

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE GRANOLA MOVEMENT?

Anyway, i finally found a half decent recipe and changed it a bit. Left out the brown sugar, cut the oil in half and added a little extra honey for stickiness, also…..chocolate chips (come on!)

Today  I made a new batch…and added coconut, wheat germ, wheat bran, sliced almonds to the oats and sunflower seeds we were already using.

Man DO THEY KEEP YOU REGULAR.

A guy the chris works with tasted them last week and asked for a pan of them, which I happily provided.

That night his mother-in-law and wife devoured the entire pan.

Not a good idea.

I suspect they had a weekend VERY close to home.

heh.

It’s kind of like a cleanse.

Ok..must stop now.

A Secret Deep & Dark September 14 2007

I’ve had a secret for quite sometime now.

I would even say close to 2 years.

I have been suffering depression.

(Jon & Philip go “duh”)

I think it started off innocently enough. I missed my Southern Ontario life. I missed my running group. My stained glass friends and the fabric stores.

I missed my deck and the tea I used to drink on it.

But I ignored it as self indulgent because i knew my kids where happier here. Everyone was happier here, but me. Suck it up butter cup.

I was running semi regularly when we first moved here. a couple of 10k runs a week and a couple of 5’s. Not bad but enough to keep my ass in shape.

Everyone has really settled nicely into their new lives here. Chris has become very active, biking playing ball.

the kids love their schools. they play a variety of sports and take swimming lessons.

life is great.

for them.

Me? I feel like I’ve settled into my OLD life. The life I had before i even left here. And not the good parts. You see my last few years at home were not so pretty. My mother had slipped into a deep depression, but that did not allow her to get out of her chair in front of the fire place. She did nothing for days but smoke and rock in that chair. She had a hard time even cleaning the house or cooking dinner.

And guess where I find myself today?

Sitting on my couch (not smoking) in a deep dark pit. I cannot get up the gumption to leave a comment on your blog, let alone pick up the toys to push the vacuum around the place.

We had some crap this summer that we dealt with, and are still dealing with somewhat. But i cannot shake lose.

It’s gone beyond my rageful pms…it’s gone beyond a little blue.

It’s time to do something.

It’s CLEARLY time for a trip to the doctor.

oh wait, I’ve let my health card expire and oh yeah i have to make an appointment months in advance to renew it because we don’t live near a city anymore.

GAH I love the free health care thing but COME ON!

So it’s ALMOST time to see the doc. The doc I’ve never met, but i’m supposed to go “hi…I moved here and got REALLY fat. can i like…have some w€llbutrin?”

I still miss my old life a little. I love the nature here. i love being in the bush.

But I also loved running, and i loved creating with stained glass & i loved sewing the horrid things i sewed.

I took Sascha for a walk today…in the bush for an hour.

Baby steps I guess.

the grass is always greener (and less weedy) September 05 2007

Both kids are gone to school today.

all day.

And after such a tumultuous summer, I thought i would be doing back flips.

And I did….one. And it hurt my back.

And now I’m lonely. Even the dogs are sad.

July may have sucked monkey balls but August was pretty friggin good and adventurous.

My boys are gone. I have no babies anymore.

Noah was like “SEE ya!” And will NOT kiss me infront of his bus (we have to do that 10 minutes before it is due to arrive) and really kind of wanted me to wave from the step and not walk him to the end of the drive way.

he threw me a bone when he whispered in my ear (I will miss you today mommy), I don’t really believe him.

Brendan was a little nervous today, nothing horrible. He is worried about one kid in particular that doesn’t like that fact that people think Brendan is smart.  Ok, but…Brendan IS smart. I think this kid is also smart and maybe feels Brendan is stepping on his toes.

A little pep talk….Adrian doesn’t matter…ignore ignore and if he touches you….tell someone.

And here I am….with the whole rest of my life ahead of me (or at least the whole rest of term)

What to do.

Get a job?

or

Make Chris finally build me a pottery wheel and stained glass work area so I can get my craft on

We shall see.

Oh I would have loved to share photos of the first day of school but oh yeah…My CAMERA FELL IN THE LAKE.

blarg!

and now I am off to lunch with my Momma.

cheers