Seeking Advice. March 22 2007
I have an autistic nephew. He’s 3. And is pretty much a nightmare behaviorally speaking. He and Noah are very close in age and we like to get them together to play. Sadly I try to keep this interaction limited because it affects Noah. Example, we were just together the other day at my Mom’s house for cake (which I baked but did not eat for I am on the LENT Diet) and the boys were running around having fun. They do laps of my moms house, this is really the only thing that the nephew EVER does. Noah loves this activity because it is something he only does with nephew. At some point they stumbled across Noah’s bike helmet accidentally left at Nanny’s house since the fall. Noah was thrilled as he has been begging for 2 wheeler (no training wheels mommy I DON’T NEED THEM!) for a bit. And he came dashing towards me with it, Nephew saw it (has always been inlove with that helmet and even stole if for a week or so a year ago) and immediately threw himself on Noah. And violently yanked it from his hand. Noah does not fight back much when it comes to Nephew because he knows what’s coming. The screaming. I mean typical autism right? High pitched squeal..full on melt down. and the entire time Noah is terrified. He borrows my mom ear muffs because he hates the screaming, it scares him. And then he sits in my arms or my Dad’s arms and hides from him.
Other than this, the do have fun to a point. I can see Noah loosing patiences with him. Noah will be trying to talk to someone or everyone and nephew loudly repeats everything he says, to Noah that is not autism that is COPYING HIM AND THAT IS JUST BEING MEAN!
At the end of the visit which always is ended by some huge meltdown induced by my sister stopping nephew from clobbering Noah for whatever reason, Noah is stressed. And will exhibit some of nephews behaviours that night and sometimes the next day. And I kind of want to strangle him.
he mostly chooses the yelling or grunting to emulate. Charming. And I have a hugely hard time trying to explain to him why nephew does it and why Noah shouldn’t.
How do you explain autism and it’s behaviour issues to 4 yr old.
one of my friends has a boy who is my son’s age, and while he’s borderline and has improved dramatically recently, he is still very unsocial, and of course my kid doesn’t “get” it. He has said truthfully but a bit too bluntly that “X doesn’t ever talk to me — he’s no fun to play with.” I can’t imagine having to explain it to someone younger when it’s that much more severe.
I don’t know much about that condition. you might want to see if there is a hotline that you can call for advice related to autism. when I had questions about Alzheimer’s disease I was able to find a toll-free hotline and speak with a really helpful person.
I’d just suggest not sugar coating anything. Tell him as much of the truth as you think he can understand. Answer all his questions as best you can. When he stops asking quesions, he’s satisfied. It’s a tough age though, and a tough condition to try and explain to one so young.
I think you should try to explain it to him the best you can….kids are smart, they understand more than we think and can sense when things arent “right”……at least if you give him a “heads up” maybe he wont be so frightened. Then he will know what to expect
Pam have talked with Nephew’s mom? I think if anyone would know what helps deal with the Newphew’s meltdowns it would be her. Maybe she and you could come up with some strategies for gentler playtimes.
With family its hard to avoid the nephew. But if things do not progress to a better stage, you gotta do what is best for Noah.
As far as explaining things to Noah, just keep doing what you are doing. Explain and explain again. Hearing it once will not be able to override the natural instinct to pound the nephew. Maybe a small talk with Noah before the visit about what you know to expect and asking him for ways to deal with it. Maybe let him know that its something you are both dealing with together and you will work together to make it a pleasant visit.
That’s tough! I wouldn’t know what to tell you. Just keep explaining.