Running Sucks And I Hate It. May 06 2006
So here I sit, sipping hot tea and listening David Bowie and NIN do “Hurt” ohhh sooo well. I heart Trent Reznor like I’m 16 yrs old. I heart David Bowie like I’m old. Actually I’ve seen David Bowie, in Toronto, his Glass Spider tour. It was phenomenal.
ANYWAY the point of this post was to whine about running. I ran the other day just like I said I would. My foot is STILL hurting me and it was probably the worst run of my life. Worse even than my first 21k training run when it was 45 with the humidex. When I ate my gel and almost vomited. It was worse than that. Because at least on the 21k route I knew I could do it. I knew it was just a shitty run and that tomorrow I would be back out there again running 10 or 15 without a second thought.
Now? 5k is too far. I felt like my head was going to pop. I knew I was going too fast. My old pace just fits me so well…but i slowed down. And then I stopped. I sat on a rock and felt sorry for myself. I turned off my mp3 player and walked for a bit. Listening to sound of my Lycra covered thighs rubbing together. Making me feel worse.
I had always told myself I would never stop running because being a beginner sucks so bad. I mean seriously, it does. Beginning to run is hard. And I’m not sure I can do it again. Maybe I will be that person that used to run and doesn’t anymore. I can start to walk with that limp and tell people that I screwed up my knee running half marathons in my early thirties and I had to stop and eat poutine instead.
I just know that this feels like crap. I look back at a 2:11 half marathon time, not the greatest time, but the greatest time for me and think. AS IF! AS IF I RAN 21km. I mean one time i ran 21km and then went camping for the weekend. Was I insane. I have friends doing the half in Ottawa in a few weeks and I am insanely jealous and at the same time ashamed.
Oh my god Shakira is on now talking about her hips.
shoot me.
(yes yes I know she’s HOT)
I need a plan. I have a race or 3 in mind for the fall. I just need to do it. That’s the problem. When I think about running i know exactly how it feels to run 10k and feel fucking fabulous the entire time. To climb a hill and feel you muscles bulge as they pull you up the hill. I LOVE that feeling. And that is the feeling I’m expecting when I go out for run, yet that’s not the feeling I get. My brain and my body are not connected or something. I start out as I normally would but my body begs me to stop at the top of the first hill. I don’t like it. Make it stop.
I think I’ll go outside and take some pictures.
Pay your entry fee! If your cheap like me that’ll get your butt in gear. Take your niece and make her enter with you. You CAN do it, it’s not like you don’t know how so just start going out every other day (no excuses, unless you get our permission first) and SLOWLY build yourself back up. Do you need me to come down there and swat you? Pretty soon you won’t even hear the lyrca making that creepy scrich, scrich sound!
I do too, and yes it does. And i am SO GLAD to hear it’s because i am a beginner!! and that SOME DAY BEFORE I DIE, running will feel good. the day that happens i am going to throw a party.
Starting over and being a beginner does suck. (I don’t know about the starting over part, just the beginner. How long does beginner last? HOW LONG?) At least you KNOW what good feels like!! To me, good feels like when I stop. That’s the part I really like!
(P.S. Drown out lycra sound by turning up tunes. And slow down. And don’t try to go to far. Listen to Linda.. And stop comparing yourself to where you used to be. You’ll get there again. Feel free now to bitch slap me.)
Now go sign up for a race already. and figure out what the hell is wrong with that foot.
Pam, don’t stop running! I was a beginning runner when I started reading your blog, and you complete inspired me with your kick-ass attitude and zany cynicism. I know how you feel…I’ve had some ups and downs, but honestly, you were one of the original inspirers and I’ve never quit. Though it’s been a slow road, I just finished my first triathlon (haven’t updated my blog on that, fyi) and am training for a half-marathon in June. The point of all this is that if I can do it, you sure as heck can get right back to where you were in no time! Remember how much you inspired me!!!