I spent 6 nights sleeping on my mom’s (lumpy) sofa-bed. It was NOT comfy in the least. I had sore hips from it. We then came home and I spent 3 nights sleeping with my husband on our son’s (double) bottom bunk. We were crowded and Brendan flipped and flopped on the top bunk and shook us awake every hour or so.
On Monday my parents went home. I changed our bed, changed our duvet covers and fluffed our pillows. Monday night we crawled into bed and were amazed at the difference in a double bed and queen size bed. Size really does matter! (like we didn’t already know that, right girls?)
I LOVE my bed. It’s about 9 or 10 years old now but man alive I will travel for days to get back to it. Mind you any bed that I call mine I will travel for. I think I hate sleeping in someone else’s bed. Even when Chris and I were first living together and still fun. I would leave a party in the next town to come home to our bed. Stumbled across the apartment till I found it. Poor Chris has had to bring me home to bed from more places.
Here’s a funny story from a few years ago….before I got pregnant with Noah (don’t judge me).
I worked with a COOKY woman who was clearly an underdog. She was morbidly obese and a little emotionally volatile (to say the least). So of course I befriended her. She was a nice woman. Anyway she hounded me for WEEKS to come to her house after work for a drink. We had a week every month when we worked until mid-night, so one Friday I finally gave in and said I would stop for a drink. Chris was picking me up and we would both join her as my sister was babysitting Brendan. She had no ride home so we drove her.
So we get to her little house and to say it’s a little weird would be an understatement. She sleeps off the kitchen in one room with her 2 children (also weird and I mean REALLY weird) even though there are 4 bedrooms on the second floor. Her dog Wilson has pretty much eaten the pedestal from her pedestal table.
She offers us each a cooler, I accept, sit down and open. Sip sip sip…she says “hey lets go out back”
Ok we say. She plops the baby that we just woken up in a baby seat (bucket style) and sits her on the deck (this kid could walk, she was about a year old). She lights up a joint! Chris and I are mortified that she is smoking a joint in front of her kid!
She is just puffing away and offers us some. We panic….and TAKE IT!
What are we thinking? It’s been years since either of us have done anything like this (save for the occasion re-union). Some while later, Wilson is jumping and biting my ass and no one wants to help me stop until I scream “Can someone get this dog off my ass?”. T (the woman) is smoking like a fiend. Chris and I are stoned and NOT HAPPY.
We go back to this woman’s kitchen to sit and finish our cooler and allow chris to get a handle on things before we drive home.
She starts talking so weird….about how she understands if I want to leave and blah blah blah etc. The whole time, her youngest daughter is sitting on her lap bouncing around. It’s totally freaking me out.
So Chris and I decide to bail there is MAYBE an inch gone from my drink. Chris hasn’t even touched his….maybe he didn’t have one. I can’t really remember.
Anyway we say good bye and thanks (I guess) and run for our van. Once we get inside we realize that we are REALLY stoned. I mean REALLY stoned. We had only been in the house for 20 minutes! Chris knows he shouldn’t be driving, but we can’t sit in her drive way much longer, so we pull out.
We have to go through one major(ish) intersection before hitting our country road that takes us home.
As we make the turn we pass a cop.
We panic.
Chris is traveling at 30km/hr.
I am so tense my teeth (and my butt) hurt.
This is no fun! NO FUN AT ALL.
SLOWLY we make it home. We do eventually giggle when we realize that Calvary is not behind us. *phew*.
We get home and tip toe to the front door. Peeking in the side light. giggle giggle“She’s still up!” “NO!” giggle“OK what do you wanna do??”giggle “We can’t go in there” giggle giggle
At this point my sister saunters over and opens the front door, apparently she thought we were locked out and that’s why she stayed up.
She goes to bed.
double *phew*
10 minutes later she comes back down to find us stuffing oreos into our faces and watching the Home Shopping Channel.
“we totally need that”
“oh yeah for sure”
“It fits UNDER THE BED!”
“I know! How convenient is that!” giggle giggle giggle
She stands for about 2 seconds and then goes “Are you guys high?”
“NO”
“we were ate T’s house…and she’s really weird. She keeps giving me stuff and stuff and her some of her ceilings are like normal height and some are like short.”
So busted.
This is one of her favorite tales.
This remains the last time Chris and I have ever gotten high.
