One Step at a Time

Beverly's Running Blog

I don’t get this stuff

Filed under: General,Oops! Not Really At All About Running — beverly at 9:58 am on Thursday, April 13, 2006

Ankle still bumming me out. I’ll swim tonight. Better swim hard, as I know chocolate consumption might be crazy this weekend at the inlaws. Eeeek.

Okay, something is on my mind … something that just makes me think, do I think differently than the rest of the world??

I’ve gotten to know a stay-at-home dad. His daughter and my Camryn are best buds, and we’ve started the typical 3-year-old playdating back and forth. I know his wife well, and our whole family has had dinner with them. Last time, when he came to pick up his daughter, he stayed for lunch, as the girls had just started eating when he arrives. At the table, he clears his throat awkwardly and he says to me, “I have to ask … is your husband OK with this?” HUH? I thought he was purely kidding … but he wasn’t. He truly felt he had to ask that, as he’s encountered that issue before, being a stay-at-home dad.

Kevin is soooo OK with it. He thinks this guy is great. Also, it has to be said, that Kevin is just the most straightforward, trusting guy on the planet. His motto in life is basically “if you said that’s what it is, then I hold you to that.” Strangely, he is rarely disappointed.

I have no flirtatious, goofy feelings towards this guy. And I’ll come clean here … I do have a “silly crush” on three men at present: Kevin (of course) … and the guy who pumps my gas very courteously at the full-serve, but is way too shy to look me in the eye … and a 90-year-old man who is at the library EVERYDAY who I can’t stop staring at because he’s always holding his wife’s hand as they pick out books. Okay … those are my crushes.

I have a great friendship building with this dad. We know lots of the same people, and his take on parenting just makes me laugh. Our conversations are full of laughter and swapping stories.

Now, I was talking about this whole situation to a friend of mine, and she completely disagrees with the possibility of male/female friendship. She quotes When Harry Met Sally constantly, and says that the feelings of friendship I’m having aren’t EVER just friendship when it involves the opposite sex.

Yeesh.

I’ve never not had male friends in my life. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up with brothers, and a houseful of their friends, usually. Oh, I’ve always had girlfriends too … and I treasure my girl friendships. But there is always something great about male perspective, I think. One of my best friends as a teenager was my buddy Jamie. We lifeguarded together at an outdoor pool for years, and he knew every deep-dark-so-I-thought-teenaged secret that I had, and I never felt an ounce for him romantically. The two times in my life that I truly have been in love, I was friends … very good friends … with those men first.

Do you think that people who don’t have a true friend of the opposite sex are missing out? What’s your take on this?

3 Comments

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Comment by jank

Thursday April 13, 2006 @ 11:42 am

I think that this is one of the ways in which men and women are just totally wired differently. WHile most men can, and do, have surface platonic relationships, even really close ones, with women, there’s always the thought, not far beneath the surface, that “Hey, maybe she digs me”.

It’s hardwired on the Y Chromosome. Scientists have found it. Right next to the beer gene.

Which is not to say that the Harry/Sally thing is completely right – it is possible for men and women to be “just friends”. It just that there’s the difficult fact that men have a hair trigger jump from “just friends” to more. Say, in the event of nuclear war and the need to repopulate the planet, or something less severe, like a six-pack.

And your lifeguard buddy? I can completely promise that he had an unacted crush on you.

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Comment by Jon in Michigan

Friday April 14, 2006 @ 2:41 am

Heh, heh. I was thinking of When Harry Met Sally before I even got to where you wrote it. :D

I don’t think problems start with two married people (not to each other) who are hot for each other. The problems start when they start sharing things between each other that they don’t share with their spouses. Worse, when they begin to share things with their friend that they had previously shared only with their spouse.

Building an outside relationship to the detriment of the one with a spouse hurts a marriage more deeply than a one night stand. Think of what you said: “The two times in my life that I truly have been in love, I was friends … very good friends … with those men first.” It starts with a deep friendship long before it starts in the bedroom (or sleazy motel). Giving your heart to another would be worse than giving your body.

I think my relationship with my wife should be the strongest one I have. And its very easy to get distracted by other people because they don’t have any of the everyday issues attached to them, and no baggage of 20 years along side.

That said, you should ALWAYS have friends. Friends make us happy. We make friends happy. And that’s a good thing. Just be mindful of which relationship you are building and if one someplace else might be lacking as a result. If its all cool, then its cool, and you have no worries.

And yes, guys always think about the sex thing. Its genetic, no getting around it. And Jamie? Totally wanted you.

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Comment by Jack

Tuesday April 18, 2006 @ 12:24 am

Some of my best friends are women. My wife doesn’t have a problem with this as she knows me better than I know myself (seems like) and trust me. But I am still very conscious about letting things go too far. I think Jon is right, the relationship with our spouse should be the strongest one. I can talk to a couple of my friends about almost anything, but I still reserve a few things just for my wife.

If I could offer one piece of advice to someone who has good friends of the opposite sex, it would be never let your guard down, things can get too close really fast – I saw this happen time and time again when I was in the military. This is how I lost my first wife – to my best friend (now I wish I could thank him).

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