One Step at a Time

The weather is beautiful here today; it’s supposed to get to 26 degrees Celcius; I’m not one for conversions, so you Fahrenheit people are on your own.

All PMS jokes aside, I am not usually a grouchy person. These days I find myself oddly grumpy. Ever have those days when you feel like rolling your eyes at everyone in your life being inefficient? God, that sounds snobby, but that’s how I’m feeling.

–My son Derek was so bad last night with our company. My friend’s daugher has a cast on, and Derek just could not slow down around her. He hurt her badly, twice … but not intentionally … just him being him. He goes 1000 miles an hour; he’s like the Tasmanian devil. For the first time, I do not feel good about going to spend four nights with these folks in August. I think their daughter is completely petrified at the thought, and we’ll need to pitch in for counselling for her pre-and post-visit.

–I ordered a book via our University bookstore. This is for the curriculum project I’m doing, and the delusional sweet lady at the bookstore gave me two options. I could pay an extra $20 on top of a $159 (choke, choke) text to have it couriered to me in 3 days, or I could not pay that and it would arrive ” in just a week, dear.” A difference of four days, so I chose not to pay. I called today, as I REALLY need this text to get ahead on my project. The much-more-realistic-yet-highly-condescending receptionist said, “HA! A week?!?! Who told you that?!?” Apparently, I have two MORE weeks to wait … at least. Grrrrr. See where my need to eye roll comes in???

–The renovations continue to get Troy his own room. This is taxing our whole family, frankly. Renovations are just not good for family life.

–All of my other whining is about work, which I won’t blog about. But, I think you get the idea.

I think I’m kind of irked because I’m struggling to find a 5 k race that I can fit into our schedule this summer. For everything I find, we’re away or have another significant commitment. Now I’m looking at September or October, which isn’t what I wanted to do. I need a boost now, and I feel pumped knowing I can run the distance.

Got out for a short walk last night after our company left but the Mosquito Running Club was out in full force. Annoying bunch. Long-legged and fast.

Okay, okay … back to work. Have a good one!

Preview to the mush:

I had a not-so-great weekend. When I have too much to do, ie. with this curriculum project, I am bad at not being able to pause mentally and leave things behind to enjoy other things, ie. my family. I just re-read that sentence. I am a writer?!? Yeesh. But, my thoughts are coming out like mashed-potatoes, so that’s the way it is. If you want eloquence today, check out any of the blog links on the right.

I was really hard on my boys this weekend. They are a veeeeeeeery competititive pair, and it drives me nuts. Competition often comes with whining from the non-winner, so it was a long weekend. Hubby went to Ft. McMurray to watch a rescue competition. Yesterday we all went to see Madagascar, and when 2-year old Camryn fell asleep on my lap, I fell asleep too. I was disappointed, because I actually wanted to see this flick. So I woke up grouchy. Who is two?!?!?

Then today, I pick up Derek from kindergarten (he is done at noon each day) and the teacher tells me that “my two sons” (she says this with much emphasis, like I didn’t get a license to raise two sons or something) were in a “kerfuffle” (?? must be a Christian word for bru-ha-ha) at recess. It turns out Big Brother doesn’t want Little Brother playing with his friends. Sigh. I chatted (now that’s a light word) with both at lunchtime. They’re having trouble with each other, that’s for sure. It exhausts me as a mom, that’s also for sure.

Enough. This post was supposed to be mushy.

Two mushy things:

1. Today is my brother Stu’s 41st birthday. I love this guy; his warped sense of humour kills me and his reflections on life are always something I have time to listen to. He’s five-and-a-half years older than me, and he’s pretty special.

2. Today, my dearest friend and family are coming to town from B.C. for a visit. We’ve got all kinds of time together dotted throughout the week, and tonight is dinner with our families. Jacquie and I have not lived in the same city since University days, yet our bond is as strong as ever. It’s going to be a fun week.

If only I can be calmer with my kids.

PS: Hmmm… not a bit of exercise in 3 days …. I smell a correlation ……

Shopped for a running bra today. I LIKE shopping, and I found this to be an exhausting experience. So many choices, and so much jogging on the spot in a small change room. Got one, and I’ll try it out tomorrow.

Oh, and my son got a HUGE kick out of it. Almost too much of a kick out of it, really.

I had a busy day, and another testimony for why running first thing in the morning can work. 2.1 k run this a.m. with Tara. It was nice; we were at talking pace, and I like that. The rest of the day was chaos; not all bad, just chaotic in general.

I love planning a bit too much, and today I realized how much my kids challenge me daily on that. They are spontaneous beings, aren’t they? They asked one neighbourhood kid over, and pretty soon we had seven. Seven boys, plus my our two boys, plus our girl (I wonder if she’ll be a tomboy?!) It turned into some complicated “us vs. them” game, that eventually involved water. Chaos, but fun … you see?

I did get to do some fun planning, in that I booked some good ol’ Alberta camping for us this summer. We’ll do Sylvan Lake, as the boys LIVE for the beach and the waterslide. Also will camp at Drumheller, and at our favorite group spot at Crimson Lake, near Rocky Mountain House. We’re also going to Jasper (but to a cabin), and to Penticton, BC to visit our friends. It’s going to be a travel-packed summer, but I love that. I love camping with the kids, and all of the time we get to just “be”.

In other news, I turned down work today. (Gasp!) My previous job as a rec therapist called me to do some summer relief, and my usual reaction would be, “Hmmmm …. how can I make that work?” While looking at the calendar with the coordinator on the line, I just said, “I don’t think I can help you.” I felt a big weight lift off my shoulders. I just want to hang out with the family this summer, I mean, why would I want to work MORE when my kids are actually home? It was a good feeling to not quite be so … so me, I guess … and try to make it all work out. It just won’t, and I’m good with that.

Oh, and in closing, I’ll share with you what I like about becoming fit and losing weight. I love ankles and all of the structures in there. They’re suddenly more visible, and I love that. Hot ankles. Who’da thunk?

Woman Pursues Running Although Body Cries: No!

Contract Job Keeps Woman Chained To Computer Although Woman Cries: No!

Will Aliens Really Come to Do Your Laundry if You Feed Them Brownies?

7 Ways to Bribe Motivate Your School-Aged Children into Playing Peacefully

How One Couple Is Managing to Not Hurt Each Other During Home Renovations

Ola! How Much “Dora the Explorer” is Too Much?

*****

How’re YOU doin’?

Here is the stick, caught from Mark, procrastinated about for awhile, and now complete:

You are stuck inside Ray Bradbury?s Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?
I thought a lot about this one. I think The Diary of Ann Frank. I don’t particularly know why, I just know that when I read that book as a kid, I was intrigued by the voice of Ann. I don’t think the voice of Ann would go over well in the Fahrenheit 451 world.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Ha! Yes … many! When I read Judy Blume’s “Forever” (over and over again), I sooooo wanted my first time to be with Katherine’s boyfriend Michael. After he got over the break-up, of course.

The last book you bought is?
Technically, the last book I purchased was “Captain Underpants and the Attack of the Talking Toilets”. That was for my son, though … the classic reader that he is. (Although my husband loves the flip-o-rama features of these books!) The last book I bought for myself was The Story of My Life: An Afghan Girl on the Other Side of the Sky. Amazon should be sending that out to me any ol’ day now.

The last book you read was?
An complicated kindness by Miriam Toews. Touching character, sad book.

What are you currently reading?
The Book of Revelation in the Bible (which confuses me a lot, truth be told), and I’m trying to enthusiastically re-read a draft of my second unpublished kid’s novel, entitled “Lolly-Girl”. A coming-of-age story of a girl’s consecutive summers working with her cousins at her grandparents’ somewhat-tacky campground. It’s a little risky, yet has definite Canadian flavour. My goal is to write pre-teen fiction where the heroine does not live in New Jersey. No offense to New Jersey, it just seems that no heroines in this genre live in … say … Calgary. Anyways, one editor told me that I am actually writing for adults, in a child’s voice. And that is tricky, he said. Translation: we’re not publishing that, dear.

Five books you would take to a deserted island?
1. I’ll copy Marie and Mark on the Bible. Partially because it’s how I try to start my day; partially because I figure that if everyone has a copy, there’s gotta be a great book club somewhere on this island.

2. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It changed my life, and I am due for a re-read.

3. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. This book has ignited and re-ignited me as a writer, and identified me as an (eek!) artist. Plus what great “artist’s dates” could happen on a desert island … coconut painting … sand sculpting …

4. The Munschworks Grand Treasury This one has all my “favorite-ist” Munsch works, but there’s another reason I’d take it. Truth be told, I’d think I’d be a bit of a baby for the first day or so on a desert island, and I might get sulky. I’d have to get myself together at some point and find some chutzpah. When I read “Paper Bag Princess”, my chutzpah is mustered up nicely.

5. My journal. (Did click that link because you thought I’d have my real journal online? No way! But these Lee Valley journals are the bee’s knees.) See, I can’t just read, I would go nuts if I couldn’t write. With no blogging on the island, I might be a disciplined writer!

****

I learned through this exercise that I need to read more adult fiction; I read a lot of kids stuff, spiritual stuff, and other non-fiction. Interesting.

Okay, stick-throwing time. I toss it to …….Jack. I wanna hear what you read, Jack … and hopefully in a more timely manner than I finally completed this!

When I run and swim in the same 24 hour period, my butt hurts.

Aren’t you glad I shared?

Hey, people … it’s not a picnic here EVERY day.

Wowza! I had an incredibly lovely time …. here are the highlights:

I clinked glasses and swapped cards and shared hugs with people I re-united with, and truly wasn’t playing a schmoozing game to do so. I got to tell F., the Mentor, how much she meant to me, and it was no less than a magical moment when we met up. I was so happy to see J., an old University friend and an amazing RT, and … a recent finisher of the Boston Marathon! Lots to talk about there! I also ran into M., another old friend from university days, one that I never expected to work as a recreation therapist. She really touched me with some things she said. Those three were the highlights; I connected with many people I had not seen in a long time, and that was just awesome.

I got to be alone for a bit. Sis-in-law didn’t fly in until Friday, so I had two nights alone, and one day on my own in a city made for moving around in! I realized I need to build more alone time into my life; (hah!) … it was quite refreshing. I had an incredible 120 minute massage with Robert, and I quietly sat in the spa afterwards in my robe, drinking my cucumber water and eating my trail mix, just reading. I felt like Pretty Woman in a strange way, but without Richard. And his credit card. And I was OK with that.

I learned loads. This conference reinforced for me why I love what I do, and further ignited my passion for teaching it to front-line staff. Good and inspiring; the way conferences should be.

I spent time with my sister-in-law. That’s been a big goal of mine for about 2 years, one not quite fulfilled until this weekend. We were together; we were not rushed; we had time to talk. That was superb.

I ran my first race.
…..
…..
…..

Was your mouth gaping? Tell me, c’monnnn….

It wasn’t an organized race, silly! I’m sorry, that’s probably the cruelest RBF-ish practical joke one could play. Let’s re-phrase. I did run the seawall. And I ran 5k. And I was pacing myself with a group of people that actually looked like runners to me. As I was doing this, I kept thinking, holy cow. I should stop. Whoa, girl. And then the other little voice in my head (I think it was the seaside air, personally) kept on saying: keep on. Knock yourself out. I ran 5k, and during it, I thought, this feels like a race. There were so many people along the seawall, running, that I truly got caught up in the energy of the group. When I was done, and cooled down somewhat, I sat on a log and just looked out into the sea. I had tears on my cheeks, and I really don’t have words for why, yet. Just in awe that I have re-visited an exact spot that I could barely walk very far during one part of my weight-loss journey. I guess I was also thinking, I wonder how far I’ll be able to go the next time I’m back here. And that this place would be my marker. And then a homeless person came up to me and asked me for a cigarette. Ahhhh, Vancouver!

If you’re ever in Vancouver, go to the seawall via Denman Street. When you look directly at the ocean, you’ll see rows of massive logs, for pondering on , I guess. Third log from the left when you’re facing the sea, in the front row, on the sand. It’s a great place to look at life from!

Another highlight: coming home. The hugs you get from children when you return should be bottled up and made available to the world. Incredible.

In between packing and kid stuff today, I received the most wonderful e-mail in response to one I had sent. When I originally registered for this conference, I noticed that one of the speakers was the first recreation therapist that took me on as a practicum student in University. She now has a PhD and is busy doing research that actually affects practice (gasp!). I learned so much from her … and in a period of about 18 months as a student and then co-worker. She taught me on a minute-by-minute basis how to put the client first, but still remain an efficient and effective RT. The examples she demonstrated have stuck with me for 15 years. So, I emailed her and told her so. I wrote her the kind of note that I think all of us should get at least once in our lifetimes. One that said: hey, you made a big difference in me. And that I couldn’t wait to shake her hand to congratulate “Dr. Her” at the conference. Today, she emailed back and said: Let’s do one better. Let’s have dinner on Thursday night. I am over-the-moon about just seeing her; let alone sitting down to dinner and conversation with her.

It got me thinking a lot about mentoring. We have the “official” role of mentoring in our lives: our children, our siblings perhaps, students, new co-workers. But what about the “unofficial” ones? Funny, the first person that comes to mind is a quiet 10-year old girl at church who seems to latch herself to me whenever she can, and compliment me profusely. I need to think of myself more as a mentor to her. I don’t mean it as a hierarchy thing, but rather as being committed to guide. To listen. To demonstrate excellence. That’s a big responsibility, I think. I wonder if God plans it all out on a big pin-filled map, barking orders: “You! You shadow Bev, already! And Bev! You shadow him … you might learn something there, girl … so pay attention!”

And who mentors me? Hmmm … my sister-in-law, who is always a bit calmer and wiser when it comes to certain things. My running partner, Tara, definitely is a mentor in both a physical fitness sense and a spiritual sense. I know there are more; I need to think about that more really.

So … who is your mentor? And who do you mentor? Word of the day, folks.

This actually isn’t a joke. I have been so focused on fitness and weight loss over the past year, that I don’t think I’ve realized until now the importance of rest days. Get comfy, and maybe get yourself a refreshment, because I’ve got some rambling to do here.

My time is a really, really precious thing to me. Juggling kids, hubby, work, and other commitments an d hobbies … I think I’ve been putting fitness at a funny place in my life. As I’ve said before, I’ve never had a predictable routine, being married to a shift worker. In turn, I’ve always been so … excited almost … to have an hour, that I think, I’d better go for a run … or I’d better go to the gym … Looking back at the past six months, I have very few days of rest. I guess I’ve proven to myself that the hour or so to workout is not such a hot commodity … I CAN make this happen … hey, I’ve been making it happen A LOT!

So how did I reach this big epiphany? This swimming is kicking my butt. I had put all of my recent exhaustion and insomnia (strange, strange cycle) to the swimming, and my work project, blah blah blah.

Then tonight, I couldn’t complete the distance swim. We had done drill after drill, and I’m working a lot on not favouring my legs so much, but using my upper body more. Yikes, that’s hard! After all this: ” TADA! Here’s the distance swim!” I’m thinking: Distance swim? Please say that’s some swim club ha-ha lingo for hot tub … please??!? To make a long story short not quite so long, I did 750 m and then pulled myself out. Very angrily, actually. I don’t get angry a lot, so this was a tough moment. I was mad at myself, because I know very well that I can swim 2k. And I want that to be a constant. I don’t want to be stopping, but I literally feel like I’m swimming as if I’d never completed a length in my life. I can’t get the breathing down, and it’s just getting worse, and I have to pull out. All of the yucky inner jerk talk kicked in, and I’m looking at all of these super-fit, toned, cut swimmers carrying on in perfect rhythm, and I’m thinking, I’m in the wrong group. This is apparently not for me. Lucky the coach came over and sat down beside me or I think that the yucky inner jerk talk would’ve gotten yuckier.

He asked me what I was doing. Not in a mean way, but he meant in a general way. Asked me what I was doing besides swimming. Running, I say. I seriously felt like I was about 8 years old at this moment. I am choking back tears because I’m mad at myself, and my mind wants to press on, but my body says, no. No, no, no. And I’m even madder that I can’t just laugh this off and call it a night … I’m seriously mad. So strange. Eventually, he makes the point that I’m not resting my body enough. Funny, a few years ago, I couldn’t stop resting my body. Now, in an effort to achieve fitness and conquer a weight problem … I need to rest. Wow.

I think my body is giving me other signals, with the insomnia, and a cold that I keep just at bay with Cold FX. I am one of those people that if I slow down, I get sick. I have been sick in more lovely vacation spots that I can name. Sigh.

Anyways, this was a big deal to me, learning this. I have to take a good look at my plan, and make room for some rest. Maybe those will come in Vancouver (just two more sleeps!) … but I do have to run that seawall!

Goodnight!