Dear Google,

I know you thought it was cute to add in the “fade” feature for the menu on your home page. But really? It slows everything down.

When I type in an address, it waits until I move the mouse over the main page before my browser goes to the link.

When I want to logout and log back in again quickly, I have to wait for the stupid fade to come back, whereas before it was lightning fast. Now? Slower.

Google, you did good for so long. Now? You suck. Sorry to see you fail so badly in such a prominent location.

I’m moving my homepage. Goodbye.

Jon (was) in Michigan
Former Google lover

Too many things to talk about so I’m just making a list:

1. Dear state cop who got stuck behind me today.  I’m sorry you had to drive the speed limit.  I could tell you didn’t like it because you road my ass for 13 miles.  I’m proud of you for not trying to pass, since it was all no-passing zones, even though you wanted to get to the station and end your shift.  Do you know why I drove precisely at the speed limit?  Because I didn’t want to give you an excuse to give me a ticket.  And because I could.  :)

2. Too all the stupid morons that are out walking and running at night wearing nothing but black lycra, you all deserve to be hit by multiple cars.  The gene pool needs some chlorine.

3.  Hey, Upstate New York.  I know its raining but, believe it or not, you can actually drive the speed limit in the rain.  And repeatedly slamming on your brakes because you are approaching a 6-lane bridge, is really really stupid.  Please go to the doctor and have that cranial-rectal inversion looked at.

4. Had a great time camping the rain with the boy scouts.  Really.  I like the smell of wet, smoke-soaked clothing.

5. On a lighter note, my foot feels pretty good.  Sadly, I am too fat to put on my shoes.

6.  I watched part of Dracula tonight and, to my horror, I realized that Keanu Reeves is in it.  While I did enjoy The Matrix, I thinks its only because he acts as well as someone who spent most of their life immersed in a tub of goo with a giant electrode stuck in the back of his head.

7. Lastly, to the government of New York State, most highly taxed state in the country, I must ask you: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL THE DAMN MONEY?!?!

I didn’t want go on Farcebook.  I joined because someone wanted me to help other people from my past join.  So I did.  I figured I could keep in touch with them, even if I didn’t really want to participate much.  Did I mention I was booted off there once?  I was.

Well, after being on there a while, I sent a friend request to someone  that I know (real person that I knew in real life) and whom I have actually spoken to recently, even though they live far away (as do 99% of the people I know).  I have known this person for many years, we were very close in school, and they recently helped me revise my resume when I was looking for a new job.

You know what?  They didn’t accept the request.   Rejected.

Now you may say that maybe they just didn’t get an email notice and don’t use their account much.  Well, I sent the one “friend” an email directly so that she knew it was actually from me.  No response.

Maybe she is on vacation?  Or her email is broken?  Well, after I sent the invite, she changed her permissions on her Farcebook page so you can’t view her photo album any more.

After all the crap about going on Farcebook, I get rejected anyway by someone I know in real life!

I totally canceled the request.

This adds to the growing body of evidence that I am a social reject.

We seem to have the most dysfunctional state legislature in the nation.

Thanks so much for wasting 3 weeks of our tax dollars (so far!), you gaggle of useless, greedy, bureaucratic, mindless, petty, childish, stupid, lazy, ugly, smelly, rotten, good-for-nothing-but-flattening-the fat-growing-on-your-wart-covered-butts morons.

Dear Karen,

Its been a long time.  How are you?  I was thinking about you today and there is something I really need to tell you after all these years.

You were a flaming jerk.

No seriously.  I know we were supposed to be very good friends, and we spent a lot of time together through much of high school.  I couldn’t count the number of afternoons we hung out in your basement just talking about stuff.  I even used to have a giant stack of letters from you that you sent while I was away on vacation for the summer with my family.

Yet despite all that, you really acted like an a-hole.  I’ve come to realize that I was more like a pet than a friend to you.  Its possible you didn’t know the difference.

When I ended up suffering with depression, my other friends were supportive, but you weren’t.  In case you can’t recall, your exact words were “I don’t think we should spend time together any more.  You are really depressed most of the time and its starting to get me depressed.”  They all told me you were a jerk to me, but I said they didn’t know you at all.  I wrong.  You were a jerk.  Did you know they called you the “plague”?

When you and I went to see your new boyfriend, Tom, in a play (I drove you there, remember?), you pretended to get in a big fight with him (fake crying and everything, did you think I didn’t know you well enough to notice?) and then you said you just wanted to go home.  Of course, when I called you from my house, Tom was already there because that was the plan: get a ride to the play, ditch the driver by any means necessary, meet up with Tom later.

Remember when you called me to help get your friend Mary out of Linda’s house because they were both drunk out of their minds, talking dirty to boys on the phone, and you were afraid Linda’s parents would come home and Mary would get in trouble?  I went and got Mary.  In the snow.  Even though I would have gotten in trouble too (did ya notice you didn’t go get Mary?).  Do you remember what you said when I brought Mary to your back door after trudging through the woods in the snow so we wouldn’t be seen?  “ThanksJonseeyalater.”  Slam went the door in my face.  I think of that incident often because I now live in Linda’s house.

I’m really sorry I asked you to the prom.  I didn’t think anyone else would go with me.  But when I asked you, you said “I need to talk to someone first.”  Yeah, you went to ask Jim if he would go with you.  I’m sorry he said no, because then I ended up taking you.  I wish I had asked Leslie.  She was nicer and a lot more fun.  And really, I wasn’t looking for a kiss when I walked you to the door.  Did I ever put a hand on you, ever?  No.  I was only trying to be a little classier than dumping you in your driveway.  To be honest, now I wish I had dumped you in your driveway.  I threw out the prom pictures.

I’m sure you’re a very different person now, Karen.  You have a nice husband and two beautiful kids.  I just don’t want you to go through life thinking you didn’t have any influence on anyone when you were younger.  You did.  You taught me to recognize a selfish, rotten brat when I see one.  Like you.

Enjoy the rest of your life.  I hope I never have to see you again.

Jon

PS

I know I can totally kick your skinny blond ass in a 5K.

I’ve had trouble commenting on people’s blogs.  I make a comment, it doesn’t show up in the comment list.  I try to post again and it says “Duplicate comment.  You just said that!”.  The comments never show up, not in the bloggers spam pile either.

So tonight when I was commenting, I first tried the usual way and ofcourse, it failed.

Then I left the website line blank, and PING! there is my comment.

Apparently, for anyone using wordpress, my blog address is the kiss of death and I am BARRED from commenting.  WTH??

Oh yeah, and even Complete Running’s server does the SAME thing.

Dear WordPress, what the heck did I ever do to you?

UPDATE:

Akismet threw my comment to my own post into SPAM.  Thankyou so much Akismet.  Somebody has been sending my comments to spam and now I’m on the Akismet spam list.  WTH?!?