I hate my boss

My boss is a horrible person. He is evil. He tries hard to bully his employees and destroy their morale. He is succeeding. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life.

The stress is killing me. I can’t sleep at night (it’s 4 am now). I can’t be happy at home. All I think about is work. I am terrified of making a mistake and then being humiliated publicly by him. I’m irritable and miserable to be with. I can’t shake it off.

Worst of all, I have nobody to talk to about it.

I was bullied in school and now I’m bullied as an adult. I have no options and life sucks.

I realized today that the evil people always win. We tell ourselves that bad karma will come around to get them, but it never does. Never. That’s just a bedtime story we tell ourselves so we don’t have to face the horrible truth: Evil always wins.

I hope my boss dies in a car crash. I hope he gets cancer and dies a horrible painful death. I hope tragedy, death, and despair plague his life and the lives of all of his relatives and descendents for eternity.

More running

I’ve had a good week running. Not to fast but I’ve been out there every day. I took Saturday off and did a longer run today (only 5 miles). I’m a little tired from it.

The extra weight is slowly coming off again. I’m down six pounds as of today, although it was a two pound drop from yesterday, so I’m suspicious. Sometimes if I don’t drink enough water I get a big drop the next day.

Still using My Fitness Pal, which does a nice job of tracking calories. When I have a long run day, I get a giant lump to consume. Back when I was doing 10-15 mile long runs, I had to split the calories up over three days because there was no was I could eat all that in one day. It helped me get through the next day when I was taking a rest day. It all averaged out I guess.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about work and life and how the two seem to conflict. I’ve become very stressed about work and it has interfered with my sleep and general happiness at home. There is one individual who has caused me a lot of grief and I find that I end up thinking about things they have said and done, over and over.

I remember this scenario well, from when I was bullied in high school.

I became obsessed with thinking of the things I would do and say differently, but when I got into the real situation I just hid. The problem is that the bully never has much to lose, and they know that if you take a stand you have a lot to lose. So they exploit that. As it continued, I started to fantasize about coming across them in a horrible accident, and then walking away, leaving them to suffer and die.

One time, one of the bullies stabbed me in the side with a drawing compass. Then he wanted me to show him the hole it made! The person at work is like that. They don’t use a compass, but the pain is just as hurtful, and then they want to talk about it.

I know it’s bad karma to wish horrible things upon other people, but I still do. The person that bullies me? I hope that disease, pain, fear, disappointment, tragedy, anguish, and death plague him, his family, and all his descendents, for all time.

Not very nice of me. But I’m tired of it. And I deserve better than to be treated like that.

dealing with it

For a long time I have needed an outlet for dealing with a terrible person in my life.  I don’t want to go into specific detail except to say that this person has had a dramatic effect on my ability to cope with people and life in general.  I am stuck with them for the moment.  And they are neurotic.  Truly.  They are being counseled and medicated.  But the progress is slow, and in the mean time I am forced to deal with them on a daily basis.  For now.

The actions of this person (we’ll call them Satan) overshadow my thoughts wherever I am.  Each interaction with Satan makes me angry with myself and how I deal with him.  He finds the tiniest flaws, pours salt into them, and points out how defective I am.  He condescends as if he were a genius and I am a fool.  He publicly humiliates me, lectures me in private of my failing, and offers an apology in the form of blaming me for his psychotic behavior.

Satan is a bully.  I was bullied in school as a child and I know the behavior and mental state.  Satan is a bully.  I know that every bully has some deep hurt that they are trying to heal, and if they could old find someone to help them, they would stop the bullying.

I see him reach out for help.  So many times he pulls the “poor me” routine.  Offering some intimate glimpse into his life, sharing how he so desperately want to help the world.  Almost pleading for someone to give poor Satan a hug and tell him it will be alright.

He’ll get nothing from me.  I’m not his counselor, or his daddy, or his mommy, or the teddy bear that the little boy stuck inside his head clings to at night.  I am his enemy.

I enjoy watching him squirm each and every time he tries to make me believe he has a human side.  Every time he risks rejection by fishing for forgiveness saying “I know everyone thinks I’m an a$$hole.”, I simply stare in silence.  In my head I am screaming “You’re damn right we do!”.  And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.

In the end, Satan is still a bully.  I am still a victim.  For now.  Nothing is permanent and everything changes.  And I bide my time, grinning when he falls, smirking when bad luck hits him, and offering him no comfort except an icy glare.

So how do I deal with this, other than passive-aggressive schadenfreude?  I’ve decided to write about Satan.  I know him like I know myself.  I know how he will react in every situation.  I will put him into my novel as the most vile character I have.  A reader will hate him more than anyone they have ever hated.  And at the end, he will get what he deserves ten times over.

I’ve toyed with the idea of putting a secret message to Satan in the novel, so that only he would know I was talking about him.  But I think he will recognize himself anyway. I wish I could be there to see him read about himself when he realizes I modeled the character after him.

For the first time in a very long time I feel good about channeling the anger.  I feel like I have taken that energy and formed it into something.  Maybe the pen is mightier than the sword.

 

 

frustration

I left early for work today, hoping to walk in early and get a good head start.

Sadly that is impossible.

You see, I work an hour away from home and the route to work takes me through very rural areas.  One road is 13 miles long with absolutely no side roads.  Today, the NY State transportation department decided that they want to repaint the center line at 8:30 am.

Rush hour.  Brilliant.

So, I drove 10 mph, through the hills in a long line of cars because the giant truck with flashing lights and signs that said “DO NOT PASS – PAINTING” blocked our way.

And I’m not kidding about 10 mph.

Needless to day, my one hour drive turned into an hour and a half.

There is no point in hurrying ever.  Something will stop me.

electricity

Mom called to tell me that the basement was full of water.  Again.

The laundry sink had overflowed and basically emptied the washer into the basement.  Apparently, the plug for the pump in the sink burned up and popped the breaker.  Simple enough to fix, right?  Nope.

See, when something breaks at that house, it’s never simple.  When you go to fix one thing, something connected to it will break.  That’s how older houses work.  In this case, the old plug was connected to an old electrical cord (which connected to the old switch on the old pump).  When I tried to put a new plug on the cord, the insulation on the wires crumbled in my hands.  In fact, the entire cord crumbled so badly, that I could strip the ALUMINUM wires, right out of the cord without using wire cutters.

Lovely.  It’s a wonder the whole house didn’t burn down.  My mother had been complaining about high electric bills.  Makes me wonder if that cord was burning 10 amps straight to ground, 24-7.

So, I found a heavy duty extension cord connected to the rough pump on Dad’s vacuum chamber (don’t ask), and cut off the one end to make a new power cord for the sink pump.  Seemed to work just fine.  I’d say we are good for the another 40 years.  Then somebody else can stand there and swear at the rotting power cord.

The magical shrinking Ghirardelli chocolate chip bags

I’ve been buying Ghirardelli chocolate chips for years.  Its what I use for making truffles and it has performed very well.  I’ve gotten the recipe down just perfect so that I know how much cream and butter to add to two bags of chips to make the right consistency.

But that all changed.

When I pulled out my bags of Ghirardelli chocolate chips today, I discovered something wrong.

Yup, that’s right.  Ghirardelli shrunk the amount of chips in the bags.  They left the wrapper the same (except for extra advertising), but put fewer chips in the bag.

It’s an all too common method that companies are now using to increase profits without overtly raising prices.  Put less product in the same packaging and leave the price the same.  Its like buying a ca and finding out that it didn’t include the back seats.

I was very disappointed to see this .  It makes me feel less trusting of Ghirardelli. I understand that they want to increase profits like everyone does, but sneaky ways like this makes me feel they are dishonest.  I mean, if they would do this, why wouldn’t they cheat on the ingredients too?

word problem

At 1:00 pm, you start a 15 mile run.  The weather is sunny and 42 °F.  At mile 9 you begin to feel soreness in the arch of your left foot.  The pain is remarkably similar to the precise pain you had when you had a cuboid stress fracture a year and half ago.  By mile 11 it is too painful to run and you begin to walk, which is still considerably painful and makes you limp.  You walk/limp the remaining 4 miles back home at a pace of approximately 17.5 min/mile because there are no shortcuts at this point and you do not have a cellular phone to call your spouse for a ride.

Upon arriving at home do you:

A) fall to the floor in the hallway and cry hysterically

B) throw your shoes down the hallway and into the bathroom where one lands in the toilet

C) eat half a pan of lasagna

D) all of the above

well

Well, that run sucked.  6 miles at pace, turned into 2 miles with walking.  This sucks.   I will never register for a spring marathon again.  I’m tired of training in the dark and cold.  I’m tired of missing runs all week because I can’t run where cars can’t see me because there’s either too  much snow or the drivers are just too damn stupid to drive their cars.

Thanks for nothing, Garmin.

I just updated the software on my Garmin Nuvi.  Unfortunately, the retards are Garmin wrote the software so that it OVERWRITES the previous program, and DELETES all your stored favorites, personal data, locations, routes, EVERYTHING.

Thanks, Garmin.  You suck giant moose balls.  I hope your Christmas sucks.

false alarm

I put my new shoes on this morning to go for a run, and discovered that they are too tight.  They seemed fine the other day, but comparing them directly with my Adizero PR’s, the Adizero PRO’s are way too tight.  The nice wide foot pocket of the PR is totally absent in the PRO version.  Damn.  They go back to Shoebacca.

I’ve been going through the data from my Forerunner, trying to figure out how to just download the run times and distances.  So far, it will only download them as gpx files, which are useless to me.  I am using the Garmin Training center but, despite it showing a table of the data, you can’t highlight and copy it.  Um, stupid software choice, Garmin.

Also, their “graph” of the data is useless.  The scale can’t be adjusted, so when I look at my pace, its on a scale from 0 min/mile to 30 min/mile.  Totally useless.  Why bother graphing it.

The Garmin devices are handy, but the Garmin software is retarded.  Does anybody at Garmin even run or track their paces or run times?  I think the people who work there are basically programmers that sit in front of a computer all day and do not understand how the software is even applicable to the real world.

Here’s some advice to Garmin:

1. Unlock the Garmin Traning Center data display, so the data chart can be copied into Excel.  People want to be able to analyze their data.

2. Create an interface to DIRECTLY download the times, distances, and paces in an Excel readable file.  People want to be able to analyze their damn data.

3.  Modify the graph so that the vertical scale can be adjusted.  People who run do not need a 0-30 min/mile scale.  They are looking at differences of 30 seconds/mile.  The automatic scale is useless.

4. Charging $15 for a velcro wrist strap is highway robbery and you should be ashamed of your greedy selves.

So, since Garmin does not have a way to copy all the data, I have to hand type it all into this page.  Isn’t that stupid?  They go through the trouble to sell me a USB interface, software to download the data, software to graph and chart the data, and then they lock it up so you can’t actually USE the data.   Dear Garmin, you are mega stupid.

8 miles, 8:32 pace (average).

Thanks, Garmin.  Go stuff yourselves.