I’ve been spending time reading online about “bully bosses” and mobbing. It’s really amazing how well they describe my situation. Things I thought were in my head, they list out specifically. I was sure about a lot of things that were bad, but unsure of others until I read the various sites.
The sites spelled out specific patterns of behavior, and listed the steps in the process. It often starts with the bully befriending the target, once the target has been selected. This is used to gain the target’s trust to get them to reveal personal information which can be exploited later. One site even went so far as to call this “grooming”.
They made a very clear distinction between the “tough” boss and the “bully” boss. The main one is that the bully’s objective is to demoralize and destroy the self esteem of the target. The tough boss wants results but does not demoralize. This is because the tough boss get satisfaction from success in the job, and the bully boss gets satisfaction from destroying his target.
The most frightening statistic that I saw repeated over and over, is that after the target is chosen, there is a 70% in the next 2 years that the target will either be fired, quit, or commit suicide. The next target is then chosen, usually within 2-14 days. And the cycle repeats.
There’s more to it. But this is enough for now. I feel better seeing that there are others out there going though what I am, and that this situation and this person is not unique. There are recovery strategies and ways to cope, to bring yourself back from the brink and take your life back.
It’s not me. It’s him.