More running

I’ve had a good week running. Not to fast but I’ve been out there every day. I took Saturday off and did a longer run today (only 5 miles). I’m a little tired from it.

The extra weight is slowly coming off again. I’m down six pounds as of today, although it was a two pound drop from yesterday, so I’m suspicious. Sometimes if I don’t drink enough water I get a big drop the next day.

Still using My Fitness Pal, which does a nice job of tracking calories. When I have a long run day, I get a giant lump to consume. Back when I was doing 10-15 mile long runs, I had to split the calories up over three days because there was no was I could eat all that in one day. It helped me get through the next day when I was taking a rest day. It all averaged out I guess.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about work and life and how the two seem to conflict. I’ve become very stressed about work and it has interfered with my sleep and general happiness at home. There is one individual who has caused me a lot of grief and I find that I end up thinking about things they have said and done, over and over.

I remember this scenario well, from when I was bullied in high school.

I became obsessed with thinking of the things I would do and say differently, but when I got into the real situation I just hid. The problem is that the bully never has much to lose, and they know that if you take a stand you have a lot to lose. So they exploit that. As it continued, I started to fantasize about coming across them in a horrible accident, and then walking away, leaving them to suffer and die.

One time, one of the bullies stabbed me in the side with a drawing compass. Then he wanted me to show him the hole it made! The person at work is like that. They don’t use a compass, but the pain is just as hurtful, and then they want to talk about it.

I know it’s bad karma to wish horrible things upon other people, but I still do. The person that bullies me? I hope that disease, pain, fear, disappointment, tragedy, anguish, and death plague him, his family, and all his descendents, for all time.

Not very nice of me. But I’m tired of it. And I deserve better than to be treated like that.