the list
Posted By Jon on October 28, 2009
Too many things to talk about so I’m just making a list:
1. Dear state cop who got stuck behind me today. I’m sorry you had to drive the speed limit. I could tell you didn’t like it because you road my ass for 13 miles. I’m proud of you for not trying to pass, since it was all no-passing zones, even though you wanted to get to the station and end your shift. Do you know why I drove precisely at the speed limit? Because I didn’t want to give you an excuse to give me a ticket. And because I could. :)
2. Too all the stupid morons that are out walking and running at night wearing nothing but black lycra, you all deserve to be hit by multiple cars. The gene pool needs some chlorine.
3. Hey, Upstate New York. I know its raining but, believe it or not, you can actually drive the speed limit in the rain. And repeatedly slamming on your brakes because you are approaching a 6-lane bridge, is really really stupid. Please go to the doctor and have that cranial-rectal inversion looked at.
4. Had a great time camping the rain with the boy scouts. Really. I like the smell of wet, smoke-soaked clothing.
5. On a lighter note, my foot feels pretty good. Sadly, I am too fat to put on my shoes.
6. I watched part of Dracula tonight and, to my horror, I realized that Keanu Reeves is in it. While I did enjoy The Matrix, I thinks its only because he acts as well as someone who spent most of their life immersed in a tub of goo with a giant electrode stuck in the back of his head.
7. Lastly, to the government of New York State, most highly taxed state in the country, I must ask you: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH ALL THE DAMN MONEY?!?!
“cranial-rectal inversion”!
Hahahaha! I might have to use that one of these days :D
Hold up! I don’t live in the best neighborhood (trying to fix that problem as we speak) so running in dark clothing will allow me to run without drawing a lot of attention to myself! HOWEVER, I recognize that it is my responsibility to stay out of the way of cars. But, if a car is traveling on the sidewalk I am running on then I know I will have a problem because they won’t see me. Just another perspective…
As for #2 – the driving in the rain thing, RIGHT ON BROTHER!!! If you can’t drive in the rain, please, please turn in your keys! You don’t get to drive anymore if you can’t drive in the rain!
HA! Such a scientific way to say “get your head outta your ass!!” – I LIKE IT!
Sounds like you’ve been a little bit frustrated, Jon. get bigger shoes (for your “fat” feeet..heh heh, oh man) and go walking/easy jogging or Something! You need some “me” time. and by Me, I obviously mean YOU.
halloween costuming?! have a good wkend!
haha! what kind of specialist would their primary care physician refer them to for the inversion condition? one of those that perform colonoscopies?
I KNOW right?
He peaked with Bill & Ted.
“whoa”
“woe” ?
#5 – I think we are all wondering the same thing!
#1 – nice. I like that.
#2 – I presume there are no sidewalks where you’re complaining about.
#3 – Whatever you do, do not refer any more of them to Florida.
#4 – Hey. Did they point a bow and arrow at you to go? Stop complaining.
#5 – Put the foot in the shoe and run; or go barefoot.
#6 – Did you expect to not see horror in a Dracula movie? The electrode just goes into the heart in that one.
#7 – You can cross Florida off the list. They’re not sending it here.
OMG ROFLMAO. Expecially over #1!!!
#7: they’re spending it on finding more diverse and creative ways to be ineffective, inefficient, and an all around joke