Dear stupid runner

Dear stupid guy who was running on Kingsley Road last night,

I know you wanted to get a run in during the evening like I do (lately). That town is very small and makes a relatively safe place to run, however, there are some points you need to be aware of so that I don’t run your ass over.

1. Wear something reflective. A dark grey T-shirt, black shorts, and black shoes do not show up in the dark until my headlights shine on you when you are directly in front of my moving bumper.

2. Stay on your side of the road until after cars have passed. Deciding to switch to the other side while cars are passing you is not only stupid, but often times it is fatal.

3. Run on roads with a shoulder. I know this is not always possible, but deliberately picking roads that are very narrow (because they have been there since the 1700’s) and have no shoulder whatsoever, is incredibly stupid. I know you don’t like to run on the grass, but running in the road leads to massive trauma and flying body parts.

4. Carry a damn flashlight. See number 1 above, you moron.

5. Buy more life insurance. Given your low level of intelligence while running, your life expectancy is about 6 more months. I would not be surprised to see you in the obits this morning after being run over last night.

Sincerely,

Jon-who-almost-ran-you-over-because-you-jumped-in-front-of-my-truck-like-the-flaming-idiot-that-you-are

PS
I hit my horn and gave you the finger because I wanted you to know how proud I am of you for being out there running. Seriously. Rock on.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 24th, 2008 at 8:37 am and is filed under Childish Rants, Running. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

10 Responses to “Dear stupid runner”

  1. Vanilla
    April 24th, 2008 13:31
    1

    When I saw the title of this post show up in my reader I felt sure that it was going to be an open letter to me.

  2. Juls
    April 24th, 2008 16:33
    2

    Dear Chocolate Runner,

    As I sit hear eating a slice of chocolate cake, working through lunch, thus NOT RUNNING, and will likely have to hit the treadmill after work if I am to run at all….

    Excuse me; I got off track.

    Dear Chocolate Runner,

    What do you know of the Nike NYC Half Marathon? $75 seems pretty steep for a “half” marathon. To boot, it is another lottery entry. Argh! Anyhow, have you run it? Please share what information you know about it. I may be in NY that weekend.

    Sincerely,
    Juls

  3. sRod
    April 24th, 2008 18:47
    3

    There has to be something at the bottom of the runners barrel; this guy is it.

  4. Linda
    April 24th, 2008 20:07
    4

    Wasn’t me!

  5. mary
    April 25th, 2008 10:47
    5

    Love the PS! Love it! It wasn’t me. I wear a bright green reflective tank top that makes me look like I’m part of the road crew. I wear it in the day too. Usually to piss my husband off. But that’s just me

  6. jank
    April 26th, 2008 23:52
    6

    Sorry, dude. My bad

  7. runr53
    April 27th, 2008 17:30
    7

    You should send this as a letter to the editor of your local paper, maybe the idiot will see it. I too get to claim, not me! Run Good!

  8. Dana
    April 27th, 2008 19:18
    8

    Ok,the guy IS A COMPLETE IDIOT! You know natural selection happens for a reason.;-)

  9. mary
    April 28th, 2008 12:28
    9

    Dear stupid runner,

    have you seen george?

  10. ShoreTurtle
    April 28th, 2008 13:54
    10

    Have you heard about this Chocolate study?

    http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSL2838269320080428

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