I want to be a runner again.

I know its not Christmas yet, but tonight I wanted to be a runner again for the first time in a long time.The belly is still growing and I’m not on the road these days. I’m getting the butt to the gym about 4 days a week, sometimes 5 if I’m lucky. I’m pretty sure that the cookies and cake at work aren’t helping the belly shrink. It seems like a never ending stream of homemade goodies and birthday parties at that place. And some idiot keeps bringing in homemade chocolate truffles.

Today after eating 15 (yes, FIFTEEN) homemade Christmas sugar cookies, I was actually completely ill. Nauseous, like I wanted to puke. That awful headache feeling you get like when you are carsick and have eating a hundred french fries. And we had birthday cake too. I was just beside myself with disgust in what I have become.

I used to really want to do better and now I find myself with the old mindset of not really caring. I don’t know how many other people feel this way, but when I very overweight, I felt like it really didn’t matter how much I ate because I was so fat already. Its like having a rotten old SUV (like mine!) and it gets a big dent in the door but you don’t care because the rest of it is so crappy already.

I used to think like that until I lost alot if weight and then it started to matter. I forgot how it felt until recently, and I forgot how hard it was to let go of that feeling, especially if you don’t know any other feeling. Its despair, disgust and indifference all rolled into one.

Tonight I was reading this month’s issue of Runner’s World. Usually the magazine just annoys the piss out of me. John Bingham especially. I can sum every single column the guy ever wrote as “I run slow/I’ve run slow in many marathons/I don’t care if I’m slow/You’re slow too/Hurray for us.” Thank you, John. Do you get paid for that?

Anyway, I was reading RW and I was looking at their section of “Heroes”. Lots of famous running people that I never heard of, a few that I had, and then they came to this guy. Tim Twietmeyer. The guy has completed the 100 mile Western States Endurance Run 25 times in under 24 hours. He’s won it 5 times. He’s 48. The race is described at the website:

“The Run is conducted along the Western States Trail starting at Squaw Valley, California, and ending in Auburn, California, a total of 100 miles. The trail ascends from the Squaw Valley floor (elevation 6,200 feet) to Emigrant Pass (elevation 8,750 feet), a climb of 2,550 vertical feet in the first 4½ miles. From the pass, following the original trails used by the gold and silver miners of the 1850’s, runners travel west, climbing another 15,540 feet and descending 22,970 feet before reaching Auburn.”

I don’t know. Just something about the look on the guy’s face and the races that he runs made me want get my ass out on the road again. You know I never “liked” running. I never got the runner’s high (I don’t think). I never had that “commune with the world” feeling like most runner’s I hear. But I do like the races. I like running long distance even though its painful sometimes because almost everyone I know in “the real world” can’t even get off the couch.

Maybe if I run 15 miles in the woods through the mud, or 14 miles in a lightning storm, or even 5 miles in a blizzard, it somehow makes me special. I’m not breaking records in speed (shut up, Bingham), but maybe they are records in endurance. Yuckiness endurance. I just know I could have kicked ass in Dances with Dirt if I had stayed in Michigan.

So I want to be a runner again. I’m not ready yet, but half the battle is actually wanting to do it. So I do.

Comments

  1. oh sure YOUR comments work.
    Whatever
    Shut up and run.

  2. good post dude.

  3. Good post! Jon, I a vision that you will make a comeback and that we run the Finger Lakes 50 (kilometers or miles, your choice) together.

  4. Wooooooooo Hooooooo! Yeah, Jon!

    There’s an easy way to re-become a runner. Left foot, meet the road. Right foot, meet the road.

    Repeat, 1000x to the mile.

    BTW, I want this noted as an invention disclosure for a kineteck means to achieve forward motion in Homo Sapiens.

  5. kinetic.

    Whatever.

    Merry Christmas.

    Go run.

    I’m gone now.

  6. Go Jon go!

  7. You are. You can do this. And you will feel better. Go kick some a$$ :)

  8. I vascilate between wanting to eat whatever I want and accepting that means I am going to be a little bit chubby or using self-control and looking pretty hot for a mom of a teenager. I haven’t decided what is more important yet. Usually the food wins, who cares if I look hot?

  9. I was a fat kid, and then a fat adult. And then I started running. Well, actually I smoked for a lot of years in between, so I guess I replaced one habit with another (and sometimes I wonder which is worse–just KIDDING!). And I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I’ve actually “enjoyed” running. But I like THAT I run, and that I’m not a fat lazy slug like most of my coworkers who ride the elevator DOWN between floors. Ok, so I’m self-righteous. So what. I know how easy it is to get fat again, and I remember how I hated being fat, and how I hated myself when I was fat. So I run. Just do it, Jon. Sometimes life is no more complicated than a Nike commercial. (And by the way, if John Bingham can motivate people to get off their butts by telling them it’s ok to be slow, then more power to him.)

  10. After thinking about this post pretty much all day, I think that “God bless us, every one” needs to be said.

  11. Oh, now they work, you’ll have to copy and paste my email over! Run Good!

    Edit by Jon: 

    I think you should leave your comment about “Penguins” on Bingham’s blog.  You might even get famous!  And on another… you cn always drop back in and run the “Dance”, they do let “foreigners” in once and a while, hehe!  Glad to hear your getting back into running, now if only I can figure it out…  Run Good!

    Thanks, Russ.  :)

  12. testing jon’s comments

  13. Are you responsible for the choices you make? If you are then set a running goal, figure out how to get there; what you need to take with you to get there; what you have to pick up on the way; and get in that bubble of purpose that sets you apart and focused.
    All good things will come from the experience; even if you get there slowly.
    Good luck Grasshopper.
    oh … and put the roley poley jolly ol’ Santa costume away. It’s bad for your self image.

  14. Having paced at Western states and hoping to do the Tevis Cup someday, I know Twiet. He’s the real deal. A good inspiration; glad your searching led you to him. Keep on keeping on

    GP in Montana

  15. Just do it, baby! And step away from the cookies. You’ll feel so much better!

    Seriously, though -that was a great post and I am ALL too familiar with the despair and indifference to my own life that comes with not taking care of myself and eating compulsively. May those days never return.

  16. Sometimes you find inspiration when you least expect it. You have found your mojo….get busy.

  17. Welcome back buddy.

    Just so you know, I don’t get the runner’s high either. I have to drag myself out the door. I only run so that later I can be happy that I run. But the actual running is a pain.

    (Hmm… don’t think I explained that right. It’s kind of like waking up early. I hate waking up early. But at noon, when I’ve already accomplished a lot, then I love having woken up early.)

  18. Jon, so very glad to hear from you. Merry Christmas! go out in a blizzard and run your butt off, kick someone’s nsty dog, and flip off a few drivers… i want to hear about it!

  19. I have to admit I know where your coming from but like Deene said get out there and run you butt off! (In the literal sense too). Merry Christmas and have a great one!

  20. to get runner’s high, i think i’d have to injest illegal substances. So, i’m pretty sure whatever feelings I have about running (hate it, make it stop) are the ones i’m gonna continue to have.

    but it’s so true that running makes me feel special. I guess that’s why I keep doing it.

    Great post. You said a mouthful there.

  21. Glad you’re back.

  22. Hi Jon. Great post! We will support you every step of the way. Merry Christmas to you and your family.