Celebrities Who Have Never Run a Marathon

Posted by Filed Under: Running is Funny

One of’s most popular columns of all-time is a list of 25 Celebrities Who’ve Run a Marathon by Mark Iocchelli.

Knowing that you totally smoked Al Gore is inspirational for some, but isn’t it even more inspirational to know that you have accomplished something that very famous people have not?

I think so. So here is a list of celebrities who have never covered the 26.2. I’ll even use Mark’s categories:

Actor Non-Marathoners

Brad Pitt: He played Achilles in Troy, but he’s underqualified to play Pheidippides.

Daniel Craig: Excellent free running sequence as 007 in Casino Royale, but can he go the distance?

Jessica Alba: Swimming may be her best sport.
Halle Berry: Ditto.

Dustin Hoffman: Ran regularly while filming Marathon Man but couldn’t run 26.2 without Nazi dentists chasing him.

TV Personality Non-Marathoners

Kiefer Sutherland: Can only run with arms extended and a pistol in his hands, but is unmatched when it comes to Christmas tree wrestling.

CSI cast: Considering the running form displayed in this episode of CSI, I wouldn’t expect too many marathoners to come out of this group.

Athlete Non-Marathoners

Tiger Woods: Remind him of this next time you play 18 holes together.

Tyson Gay: The fastest man in America ran a wind-aided 9.68 in the 100 meters last month. If he could hold that pace for 26.2 miles, he would finish his first marathon in 1:08:04.

Musician Non-Marathoners

Keith Richards: Looks the way I feel at the end of a marathon.

Politician Non-Marathoners

Barack Obama: Kenyan genes and a thin build, but he’s running for something else.

Model Non-Marathoners

Kate Moss: GU has too many calories.

About Mike Antonucci

I ran 6-minute miles when I was in the military, then tapered for 20 years. Two-time marathoner (3:43 PR), my next goal is to stay healthy enough to run another. There are literally thousands of people handing out running advice and serious tips. I prefer to focus on the humorous or odd facets of our shared obsession. Let's face it, running is funny.

  1. Jeanne on July 18th at 9:20 am

    what IS that CSI clip???

    and yeah, i’m sure those bikini-clad chicks do a LOAD of swimming!

    nice roundup.

  2. Blaine Moore (Run to Win) on July 18th at 12:08 pm

    Nice work, I got a good chuckle out of this article. I especially like your Kate Moss comment – great one to end on.

    Blaine Moore (Run to Win)s last blog post..Trevor Graham receives lifetime ban

  3. Mom On The Run on July 21st at 7:05 pm

    LOL – I love the Keith Richards reference!

    Mom On The Runs last blog post..The Curse of The Summer Baby