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10 Easy Steps for Joining the Gross, Rude Runner’s Club

Posted by Filed Under: Fun & Jokes

C-ralph2.jpgWe’ve run with them, near them or seen them doing their thing from afar. They are the runners exhibiting the rude, gross behaviour none of us wants to see. Interested in joining their club? Here’s how you do it:

1. Spit and blow your nose wherever and whenever it feels right with no regard for anyone around you.

2.
Wash your running gear as infrequently as possible.

3. No matter how slow you are, put yourself at the front of the start line at races.

4. Guys: Run up behind female runners and then stay there (they love it … really they do).

5.
Gals: Treat all male runners who smile or say “hi” to you while running with disdain because of your suspicion they’re like the guys in #4.

6. Confuse and anger motorists by ignoring traffic lights and crossing streets in heavy traffic.

7. Don’t wave to let bikers coming from behind know that you heard their bell.

8.
Be very quiet when passing other runners or walkers and then scare the heck out of them by brushing quickly past their shoulders.

9. At the gym, leave your gear in a pile at the bottom of your locker for several days so it ripens for everyone’s enjoyment.

10. When running with one or more people, crowd the trail and don’t share it with others.

Practice what’s on this list and you are guaranteed admission to the Rude, Gross Runner’s Club. Do you have any other tickets for admission to this not so exclusive club?

About Mark Iocchelli

Also known as the "Running Blogfather", I'm a 40-something marathoner who has beaten stress fractures and terrible shin splints. Now I'm running double the mileage with no pain - and I'm getting faster. I love to talk about running form and Arthur Lydiard. I also enjoy taking photographs, have a beautiful (and very patient!) wife, and am the proud father of two crazy kids. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or comments about the site.



8 Comments
  1. Dianna on September 29th at 7:45 am

    11. Come to a complete stop without moving to the side or checking for other runners behind you.

    12. Throw your empty gel packets on the ground, instead of tucking them in to a pocket.

  2. Blaine Moore (Run to Win) on September 29th at 8:04 am

    What, no mention of treating nature as your toilet? I’m disappointed.

  3. Nancy Toby on September 29th at 12:30 pm

    Run on the wrong side of the road or trail, endangering yourself and other runners.

    Boast about your running prowess and trophies, then make derogatory remarks about anyone who runs more slowly than you, saying they have ruined ultras/marathons/10ks/your favorite distance.

  4. bex on September 29th at 3:37 pm

    Disparage runners who actually want to race a marathon, instead of just jogging or walking it.

  5. beverly on September 29th at 3:40 pm

    I can think of one guy that this list was written for: the guy at the track at my gym who clips his fingernails while he runs. It’s frightening, dangerous, and disgusting. His DNA flying everywhere, often hitting fellow runners and walkers. I’ve seen him do it three times, and I think, Gee buddy, we’ve all got the same number of hours in a day, do we not?!

  6. Dori on September 29th at 10:35 pm

    Gulp. I’m guilty of #7. I’ll start acknowledging the few bikers who actually announce “onyerleft” before they pass me.

  7. Loving Life Sher on April 6th at 12:23 pm

    Guys – no. 1, blowing your nose without regard to anyone behind you …. I have been caught (hit) on more than one occasion….. not nice!

  8. Peter on May 19th at 8:42 am

    Hi:

    I know you wrote this a while ago, but I just came across it and thought it was still so appropriate today. I also thought it amusing enough that I wrote about it on my blog:

    http://www.runnerswrite.com/2009/05/runners-perfect-and-imperfect-alike.html

    I have run (no pun intended) into so many of these types before and can’t stand them! Anyways, thanks for the funny article.

    Peters last blog post..Runners Perfect And Imperfect Alike

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