10 Easy Steps for Joining the Gross, Rude Runner’s Club
September 29, 2006 |
We’ve run with them, near them or seen them doing their thing from afar. They are the runners exhibiting the rude, gross behaviour none of us wants to see. Interested in joining their club? Here’s how you do it:
1. Spit and blow your nose wherever and whenever it feels right with no regard for anyone around you.
2. Wash your running gear as infrequently as possible.
3. No matter how slow you are, put yourself at the front of the start line at races.
4. Guys: Run up behind female runners and then stay there (they love it … really they do).
5. Gals: Treat all male runners who smile or say “hi” to you while running with disdain because of your suspicion they’re like the guys in #4.
6. Confuse and anger motorists by ignoring traffic lights and crossing streets in heavy traffic.
7. Don’t wave to let bikers coming from behind know that you heard their bell.
8. Be very quiet when passing other runners or walkers and then scare the heck out of them by brushing quickly past their shoulders.
9. At the gym, leave your gear in a pile at the bottom of your locker for several days so it ripens for everyone’s enjoyment.
10. When running with one or more people, crowd the trail and don’t share it with others.
Practice what’s on this list and you are guaranteed admission to the Rude, Gross Runner’s Club. Do you have any other tickets for admission to this not so exclusive club?
Written by Mark Iocchelli · Filed Under Fun & Jokes
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11. Come to a complete stop without moving to the side or checking for other runners behind you.
12. Throw your empty gel packets on the ground, instead of tucking them in to a pocket.
What, no mention of treating nature as your toilet? I’m disappointed.
Run on the wrong side of the road or trail, endangering yourself and other runners.
Boast about your running prowess and trophies, then make derogatory remarks about anyone who runs more slowly than you, saying they have ruined ultras/marathons/10ks/your favorite distance.
Disparage runners who actually want to race a marathon, instead of just jogging or walking it.
I can think of one guy that this list was written for: the guy at the track at my gym who clips his fingernails while he runs. It’s frightening, dangerous, and disgusting. His DNA flying everywhere, often hitting fellow runners and walkers. I’ve seen him do it three times, and I think, Gee buddy, we’ve all got the same number of hours in a day, do we not?!
Gulp. I’m guilty of #7. I’ll start acknowledging the few bikers who actually announce “onyerleft” before they pass me.
Guys - no. 1, blowing your nose without regard to anyone behind you …. I have been caught (hit) on more than one occasion….. not nice!